Stop Fooling Yourself

One

Nathan and David

Do you remember when David had Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah, murdered so that he could marry Bathsheba? The Lord sent the prophet Nathan to condemn David for his behavior. And Nathan was very smart. He didn’t just come out and accuse David. Surely if he had, David would have thrown up all kinds of justifications and rationalizations. Because David had no objectivity when it came to his own situation. 

So instead, Nathan presented David with a fictional scenario – a scenario about a rich man with plenty of sheep, who instead stole the little pet lamb of a poor man and slaughtered and ate it. David had an objective perspective on that story. He was outraged. He said the man who had done it deserved to die. 

And then Nathan said, “But that’s exactly what you did!” And instantly, David could see his sin clearly and was overcome with regret. 

This is what we have to do. We have to escape from our own biased, self-defensive mindsets, and look at what we’re doing objectively.

How can we do that?

Two

Objectivity through Imagination

When it comes to morality, it is scary how easy it is for us to deceive ourselves, to justify even the most obvious misdeeds. We can rationalize our bad decisions all day long, even though everyone around us can see how misguided we are. So what can we do to get some moral clarity? 

Of course, the main thing to do is to get a good spiritual director, or at least an accountability partner be it your spouse or a good friend who is willing to point out any glaring incongruity in your Christian life. And be humble enough to listen and think about it.

But something we can do on our own is imagine some fictional situation that sheds light on what our actual situation is right now. That’s exactly how the prophet Nathan convicted David of his sin. And fortunately, St. Ignatius, the spiritual master of self-examination, has three fictional scenarios to consider to try to help you get some perspective, some objectivity, so that you don’t rationalize yourself into evil.

Three

Someone else is asking you for advice

When you’re looking at your life, your habits and goals and individual decisions, you can imagine someone else in the exact same situation you’re in now coming to ask you for advice.

Like David, we’re all so much better at identifying someone else’s sin than our own. So imagine that someone who does what you do, has the goals you have, lives like you live, and is maybe thinking about a decision you’re thinking about. What do you tell them? When do you say, “Keep doing this,” and when do you say, “Stop doing that”?

And if there’s a decision in particular they’re asking you about and you look at the what, and the why, and the circumstances surrounding that decision – do you advise them to go ahead with that decision or do you nip it in the bud?

Then, of course, come back to the real world, and implement your own advice.

Four

You’re on Your Deathbed

St. Ignatius’ second imaginative scenario for getting clarity is this: imagine you’re on your deathbed and you’re thinking about your life. The way you’ve lived. 

Death is what really gives perspective. Death is what really gives objectivity. When you face death, you can really see what matters and what doesn’t, what’s important and what is not.  

So imagine you’re on your deathbed, and you’re reviewing your life. What do you wish you’d done differently? What decisions seem completely misguided, pointless, to you now? What feelings of anger, resentment, anxiety, and vanity seem like energy well spent?

Think about what you wished you’d done differently. And then come back to the real world, to your life right now. And start doing it differently.

Five

You’re Before the Judgment Seat of God

Finally, St. Ignatius says to imagine yourself before the judgment seat of God. This is it. The final, ultimate evaluation. This is Objectivity in Person, examining your life.

What will God say? What do you think He’ll say?

If there’s something you’re doing now; if there’s a lifestyle choice you’re making, or a habit you have, or a decision you’re considering – do you think it will make you more or less confident when you stand before the Creator of the Universe? And trust me, you’re going to need all the confidence you can get.

When David had Uriah murdered, the Lord saw and “was displeased.”

When you see God, what things that you’re doing now, or considering doing now, will displease Him? Those are the things you want to change now. Those are the things you want to not do.

Let’s stop lying to ourselves, stop rationalizing. Let’s examine ourselves with the same objectivity we’ll have on our deathbed, the same objectivity we’d give someone else. The same objectivity we will receive at the hands of the Supreme Judge when this life is over.