St. Martha

One

Today is the Feast of St. Martha,

Luke 10:38 says, “Jesus came to a village, and a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. She had a sister called Mary, who sat down at the Lord's feet and listened to him speaking. Now Martha who was distracted with all the serving said, 'Lord, do you not care that my sister is leaving me to do the serving all by myself? Please tell her to help me.' But the Lord answered: 'Martha, Martha,' he said 'you are anxious and worry about so many things, and yet few are needed, indeed only one. It is Mary who has chosen the better part; it is not to be taken from her.'“

Martha is reproved by Jesus because she is worried about so many things while Mary is praised for recognizing the one thing necessary – listening at the feet of Jesus in prayer.  

We tend to look at this story and think Martha was entirely in the wrong, but let’s not miss the important fact that…if it was all up to Mary, Jesus probably wouldn’t have been at their house in the first place. Why? Most likely it was Martha who invited him and gave him hospitality. As a result, Martha, Mary, and their brother Lazarus became some of the best friends of Jesus. Oh, and by the way, it was a result of the hospitality and friendship that Jesus raised their brother Lazarus from the dead and all three became Saints. 

God’s original plan, which is still in effect, is that faith would be passed on from parents to children and from friends to friends. This was to take place by means of friendship and good conversation. But to have friendship and good conversation it only makes sense that we invite people to where we live and then give them hospitality. 

Martha is the patron saint of friendship, invitation, and hospitality. Now it’s our turn to follow. 

Two

A frightening trend

People are choosing entertainment and screens over the good of real friendships and relationships with others. And this results in the tragic consequence of isolation and loneliness. 

The goal of life is not that we are entertained. And other people are not for our entertainment. The goal of life is to become like God and God lives in the community of the Trinity, the angels, and the saints. 

The problem is that entertainment is pleasurable, comfortable, and easy. It requires nothing from us. But people are nothing like that! Relationships can be difficult and require a lot from us. And this has led to a dangerous mindset in which we see ourselves as victims and everyone else as toxic. 

In some sense, this is true! Relationships are not easy. Sometimes people hurt us, are difficult and annoying, and every relationship takes something from us. Everyone is to some degree, toxic! We are all imperfect. We treat others as toxic, and push them away, leaving everyone alone and incapable of growing in love and maturity.

So, is your choice to just be alone with your entertainment? If it is, then you’re choosing Hell on Earth, because that is what Hell is. You are alone.

Is that what you want? What do you want?

Three

Some people have lives that are boring, painful, and overwhelming. And at the very least, we all get exhausted. We can all be tempted to escape into entertainment. But it won’t help. When the entertainment ends our lives are still the same. What will help is the great good of family and friends. 

Why does good friendship make our lives better?

When we experience life as painful, boring, or overwhelming, friendship is an elixir that assuages all three. It is very difficult to endure suffering alone, but you can endure almost anything if you have a good friend with you. This is why misery loves company. 

Life, at times, can be too much to bear. It can be overwhelming. But if you have another person that can help carry the load, it’s suddenly manageable. 

When life is boring, a friend brings surprise into life. Yes, entertainment can be surprising but it’s passive, we can’t actually enter into it and participate in it. Friends bring surprise, perspective, and beauty into our lives. In friendship, we’re more than just spectators. 

Finally, don’t we all want someone who really knows, understands, appreciates, and supports us? Entertainment can’t do that. Only a real friend can. Isn’t that what you want?

Four

Entertainment requires nothing from you, but friendship does. It takes specific effort. 

Friendship takes commitment. You have to commit to pursuing the good of friendship. It means you don’t just do it when you feel like it or when it’s convenient. 

Friendship takes invitation. Everyone is waiting for someone to invite them. And so everyone sits alone. If you want friendship, you have to take the initiative and invite others. And then be bold enough to keep inviting. Don’t give up just because someone is busy once or twice.

Friendship takes hospitality. Make the effort to offer a delightful experience to the people you’re inviting by doing something good together, drinks, a meal, a book club, a dance party, a game, a concert. Make the effort to do good things together. 

Friendship takes consistency, regularity. You need to make it habitual. 

Friendship takes unconditional acceptance of the other person who is comprised of both perfections and imperfections. And guess what, so are we. So be a little more thick-skinned and not so easily offendable, because if you’re waiting to find the perfect person, you’re going to be waiting a long time alone.

Entertainment takes nothing from you, but friendship is such a great good that it will require something of you. But the reward is infinitely greater than any entertainment. A friend is one of the greatest treasures you can acquire. 

Five

So, if you want the good of friendship and family, then what are you going to do about it? 

I can tell you what I’ve decided to do. I considered the people that are in my life and I made the choice to really pursue friendship with them: my wife, my parents, my adult kids, and their spouses and grandkids. Then I began to invite them once a week to come to my house for a supper I prepared. And I tried to make it a time a good conversation for everyone. Not everyone decided to come but I never nagged and I kept inviting and I delighted in those who did come. And I didn’t quit. Now we pretty much have a habit as a family and group of friends.

There are individuals that go beyond this small group I also try to see frequently. Again it’s the same principle: invitation, hospitality, good conversation, and delight in others.

Where can you begin? With just one person. That’s all it takes. But you have to take the initiative and be hospitable like Martha!