St. Margaret of Cortona
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St. Margaret of Cortona is probably a saint you’ve never heard of but she is the perfect patron saint against lust.
Margaret possessed tremendous physical beauty and she craved affection. When she was sixteen or seventeen she fell in love with a wealthy young man and they began to live together. They had a son but never married. He was not the type of man who could make a mature commitment. Nine years into the relationship, tragedy struck. Her lover had gone on a hunting trip with business partners but did not return. Finally his hunting dog came back, tugging at her dress to follow him. She followed the poor beast very far into the forest where the dog directed her to her lover. He had been murdered by his hunting companions who were settling a debt and left to rot in the woods. At the appalling sight, Margaret was stunned like one struck by lightning. Filled with terror she asked herself, "Where is his soul now?"
In the decaying corpse of her former lover, Margaret was given a dramatic vivid image of what lust does to the soul.
Then and there she firmly resolved to change her life and like the Prodigal Son she returned repentant to God.
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John chapter 4 tells us, “God is love.”
Which means this: God the Father gave of Himself so totally and completely that this gift begets the Son. Since the Father holds nothing back in His giving, the Son becomes all that the Father is, He too is God. The Son receive the gift of the Father and responds to this gift with a total gift of Himself. And the love between the Father and the Son is so real, that this mutual gift of self is another Person, the Third Person of the Trinity, the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the Bond of Love in Person
When Scripture says God is Love what is meant is that God is
1. A Free and Total Gift of Self
2. That results in a Permanent Union of Persons
3. From which another Person springs forth
This is why 1 John 4:8 tells us that “God is love.”
God designed marriage and sexual love to be an icon, a reflection and expression of His love. So if marriage and sexual love are to be what God intended, they both must be
1. A free and total gift of self
2. To form a permanent indissoluble union
3. A union that is ordered to the new life of children
Sexual Love is meant to be a total, permanent and faithful gift of self that is ordered to new life. The deadly sin of Lust reduces that to selfish taking instead of generous giving
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Since God created Marriage and Family to express His Life
Then Marriage and Sexual Love must be a
1. Free and total gift of self
2. Permanent and Indissoluble
3. Ordered to new life
Lust reduces that that to selfish taking instead of generous giving
Lust is a sin because it is not loving enough – refusing to love as much as you can.
The question of whether an act is love or lust comes down to this question:
· Am I loving enough
· Does this thought or action reflect God's Love?
In other words,
1. Is it a free and total gift of self?
2. Does it express the permanent, exclusive union of the spouses?
3. And is it a gift of self ordered to new life?
From this it is easy to see that:
1. Sex before or outside of marriage
· Including masturbation (2352)
· fornication or adultery (2353)
· These actions are not
· a total gift of self to another person
· that expresses a permanent indissoluble union
· Therefore they do not reflect God’s love
2. A Divorce that you have chosen, not one that has been forced on you against your will, does not reflect a permanent unbreakable union
· Therefore it does not mirror God’s love
· Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law 238
3. Contraception is not a total gift of self
· One’s fertility is held back
· It is not unitive
· It is not ordered to new life
a. Contraception does not echo God’s love 2366
4. Direct sterilization, in-vitro fertilization, artificial insemination and same sex unions
· do not imitate the love of the Trinity 2377
All of these actions fall short of the kind of love that is reflective of God. They are lust and wrong because they are not loving enough. And the opposite of love is use and use will never satisfy the human heart.
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Men sin through lust when instead of loving as God loves they use women for pleasure John Cougar had a popular but horrible song that captured the way men lust:
I need a lover that won’t drive me crazy
Somebody to thrill me – and just go away
I need a lover that won’t drive me crazy
Somebody who knows the meaning of - “Hey hit the highway.”
Men can use their wives in sex; men use women through pornography; and men use women with the 2nd look.
Jesus said, “You have learnt how it was said: You must not commit adultery. But I say this to you: if a man looks at a woman lustfully, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Women use men to get what they want.
What does a woman want most? Boy I wish I knew the answer to that…
Actually, whenever I am teaching, I ask a crowd of women what they want most and they usually respond by saying they want to be wanted, cherished, valued, protected, and loved.
Women may sin through lust by giving sex to get what they want.
Woman may also sin through lust be refusing to give love through sexual intimacy with their husbands. Remember, Lust is a sin because it is not loving enough – refusing to love as much as you can through the body is wrong.
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Pornography is a grave sin and if done knowingly and willingly it is a mortal sin – destroys God’s life in our soul.
The origin of the Porn addiction is the Vice of curiosity – looking at what you have no business looking at.
Now, all addictions are routines. Will power is nothing other than making a strategy ahead of time to break the routine where it starts. But we must Break the routine where it starts, at the first step. If you struggle with porn then what is your routine that leads you to porn? Find where and how it starts and break it right there.
For example a guy, working at home, gets tired, goes to the fridge, comes back, doesn’t want to go back to work and starts surfing on his phone that ends with porn. So how does he break this. He must break the routine where it begins. When he’s tired of work, don’t go to the fridge, that’s where the routine begins, instead, do something else go for a walk, go outside, do 10 push-ups, do something to break the routine where it starts.
To conquer Lust, you must be careful not to indulge the desire to browse around aimlessly on your phone or computer. If you do not have something good you are specifically searching for on-line you will get into trouble. If you are looking for something entertaining on-line – something that is not meaningful or worthwhile – men - you will end up looking at porn. Find where your routine begins and make a strategy to break it there.
Pray the Litany of St Joseph every morning.
Lust tends to grip men. Resentment is an insanity that tends to grip women.
Resentment is an emotion that is a mixture of disappointment, disgust, anger, and fear. We develop resentment when we’ve been hurt by others and then we hold on to the hurt and become enslaved to it in bitterness rather than being set free by forgiveness. If we don’t forgive, then bitterness and resentment become the dominant passion in a person life.
Resentment can lead a person to make their life-force this idea:
· I will become so strong that I will never again be hurt by a man who has failed me.
· I must become independent and strong and never rely on another man nor even upon God – for He too has failed me.
Women experience resentment when their fathers aren’t there for them; when men violate their dignity by objectifying and using them in relationships; or when they lose a child.
Margaret of Cortona did not receive the love and affection from her father she deserved and she was used by her lover. Her story is as much a story of victory over resentment as it is over lust.
How can we do what Margaret did? Think about the love of Jesus poured out for you on Calvary. Here is a man who will never let you down, a man who shows you your true value by His death on the Cross. Meditate on God the Father, with whom you are always safe. Yes, God the Father allowed Maria to be martyred – but She would tell you He worked this for her greater good – that she was safe all the time in His providential care.
I am an imperfect Father, but I would do anything for my daughters. How much more will the Most perfect of all Fathers, do for you!
This is the age of lust and resentment, of pornography and the me too movements. St Maria Goretti calls us all to renew our battle against lust and resentment.
Chastity is the virtue that conquers lust
St Augustine said: Chaste is the heart that loves without looking for reward.
· Ti voglio bene
· I want your good
· Think of the good of the other and do that