Meekness and Anxiety

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The second Beatitude is Blessed are the Meek.

Jesus said, Learn from me for I am meek and humble in heart. The poor in Spirit corresponds to humility and then comes meekness.

I addressed meekness recently when we learned about the deadly vice of anger which is conquered by the virtue of meekness. Still – it is likely that you fall into the mistake of misunderstanding meekness as weakness, cowardice or being timid. Meekness is the calm strength that harnesses the good power of anger and directs it to good.

Meekness finds its origin in the Greek work praus which was used to describe the transformation of a wild horse into a horse trained for battle. Now, there were two things necessary for a war horse: they must not be easily frightened and they needed to be obedient to their rider. A horse that was meek therefore, was calm in battle and docile to its rider. God does want to guide our life at every moment but too often fear and anxiety and a lack of docility prevent Him.  

Let’s begin with fear and anxiety. When we think we are in danger our brain sends a message to our nervous system to switch on our fight or flight mode and to be on high alert. Imagine a group of deer grazing peacefully in a meadow and then hearing a noise and smelling a hunter. White tail goes up and they are on high alert.

Anxiety is danger signal. Fear is good when there is a real threat of danger. Fear prompts us to move, to do something to protect oneself. It is bad to live in a constant state of danger, a constant state of fear, worry and anxiety that lead to a hypervigilance where we try to predict and control all possible threats.

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Right in the middle of His most important teaching, the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus teaches us not to be anxious: “Can any of you, for all his worrying, add one moment to his span of life?”

Let’s reflect on three principles to help us live what Jesus teaches.

The first principle is to be specific to identify the source of our worry or anxiety.

Very often we live in the future and worry about things that never happen. Mark Twain expressed it well, “I’ve suffered a great many misfortunes, most of which never happened.”

Or we worry about things we can do nothing about – things that have already happened that we cannot change or things that are totally out of our control.

Or we get wrapped up worrying about things that are not in our zone of responsibility.

We also worry about things we are neglecting. The things we are procrastinating are tugging at us constantly.

Another cause of worry or anxiety is that we make the stakes way bigger than the really are. Most likely, the thing we are worrying about probably wont kill us or anyone else.

What are the things you worry about?

Be very specific to name the source. If you can name it you are more likely to tame it.  

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A second principle to overcoming worry is to teach yourself that mistakes or failures will not kill us. 

We can suffer from worry when we make the stakes way higher than they really are. We are wired to be alert to danger, especially danger that could kill us. So in some ways we are wired to assume we will die if we mess up.

We need to lower the stakes so that they match reality.

We also have a false idea that failure is bad, even deadly and this becomes a cause of anxiety.

Humility is living in reality. Humility recognizes we have talents and limitations. One of those limitations is that we are not perfect and will never be perfect. We make mistakes and we fail. This is not a bad thing. It is a good thing.

We must make mistakes. We must experience failure. Why? It is the only way to learn and grow to reach your full potential. Mistakes and failures really can serve to push us forward to learn and grow and reach new heights.

They only way we grow is to try things we haven’t mastered. This entails risk. If we play it safe all the time, with a caution that avoids all mistakes and failures – it will be impossible for us to grow.

There is no failure – there is only learning.

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A third principle to overcome worry is to live in the present moment.

Most of what we worry about never happens. Our mistake is to live in the future with this fear that is not real – only imagined. The antidote – practice living in the present moment. Jesus said, “Do not worry about tomorrow: Tomorrow will take care of itself.”

So slow down. Focus on what can and must be done today. Part of that may be making a plan for the near future. But once you make your plan – quit living in the future and just do the next right step today. Think: What do I face right now? What are my duties and responsibilities now? What must be done now? Is there some responsibility to care for? Then do it. Is there some danger to avoid or emergency to take care of? Do it. Is there some beautiful and good thing to be enjoyed? Delight in it.

Do what is in your power right now and surrender the rest, especially the future to God. He’s got your back. Don’t miss the good things of life in the present by living in an imaginary future.

Tuesday I had the privilege of praying a celebratory Rosary with Gavin Hotovy, a 17yr old young man, who received a heart transplant one year ago. He is an amazing young man. He is playing football this fall.

I asked him – “Gavin, there must have been lots of times you were afraid. How did you do it.”

Very confidently he answered “One day at a time.”

That is the answer. Practice and learn to live in today. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

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For me, the most difficult thing is to live in the present rather than the future.

St. Benedict gave us one of the greatest tools to live in the present moment. It is called a rule of life. That means a daily plan, schedule, structure, recipe – whatever you want to call it, to do what we should each day and avoid what we should not be wasting our time on. It’s a plan to do the most important things and stay focused on what is most important and this helps us from living in the future. It’s a recipe to make sure we spend time each day in daily meditation, then fulfilling the duties and responsibilities and work of the day, but also making time for family and friendships, exercise, growing in knowledge and experiencing beauty.

Have you made a rule of life for yourself? Are you putting it into practice?

Focus on what must be done today. Entrust the future to God.

I have consecrated myself to Mary. I belong to her. When, at the beginning of the day I ask her to orchestrate everything for that day – I am amazed at what happens. Why should I be surprised? Remember who was watching over that Wedding at Cana.