Feeling Hope and Feeling Despair

one

We have been meditating on the fact that we can get control of disordered feelings that are so often the cause of temptation and sin.

In this effort it’s really helpful to understand the eleven God given feelings or emotions. Today we specifically reflect on the feelings of Hope and Despair. But first – a distinction: there is the virtue of hope and the sin of despair which are different from the feelings of hope and despair.

Hope is a theological virtue, and despair refers to the greatest sin of all - Because hope is the decision to continue striving for Heaven, whereas despair is the decision not to strive for Heaven.

Now both the virtue of hope, and the sin of despair, are decisions. One is always good, and the other is always bad. But there are also feelings of hope and despair.

Hope as a feeling prompts you to keep trying; Despair as a feeling prompts you to give up. Both of them are sometimes good, and sometimes bad.

two

Hope as good; despair as bad

Unlike virtues (which are always good), and vices (which are always bad), our feelings are neutral in themselves. Every feeling can be good, and every feeling can be bad – it all depends on whether they’re prompting you to do the right thing at the right time, or not. So the feeling of hope can certainly be good. Whenever we have a feeling, an urge towards Heaven, and a sense of encouragement that comes from remembering that God is doing everything He can to bring us there…Well, that prompts us to keep trying. That’s a good feeling of hope.

The feeling of despair can certainly be a disordered feeling. It can make us feel like there’s no point in trying to be good anymore; it can make us feel like prayer is just too exhausting; it can be a tired sense that we just can’t salvage a relationship, or that our family member or friend is a hopeless case. These are evil feelings of despair. They’re temptations we shouldn’t indulge for a moment because they’re trying to get us to give up when we should be holding the course.

So it’s true that the feeling of hope can be good, and that the feeling of despair can be good. But the opposite is also sometimes the case. Sometimes hope is misguided – and sometimes despair is just what the doctor ordered.

three

Misguided Hope

How often do we strive after something – even to the point of sacrificing what’s more important – because we have this image in our minds which makes us feel like if we can just have this one thing, everything will be alright.

We might hope that after we get a certain degree, or job, or promotion – after that, everything will be alright. Or we might imagine that if we can just hit a certain financial goal, we’ll be satisfied. Or we might feel like if we just get the kids to bed, then everything will be wonderful.

These are all forms of disordered hope – because they prompt you to pursue some earthly, external goal as if it could give you peace and happiness. But nothing except holiness and virtue can do that.

What we should really desire, what we should really dream of and long for and never stop striving for, is to be freed from sin and filled with the love of Christ. Only those two things will make us happy.

We can feel a certain moderate hope for other things. But we shouldn’t let those lesser hopes get out of hand – otherwise they become idolatry, insofar as they prompt us to seek our ultimate happiness in something other than God. And idolatrous hopes are always miserably disappointed.

four

Virtuous Despair

Despair, on the other hand, is the passion, the feeling that prompts you to give up. And some things, you need to give up – and the sooner the better!

For instance, if you have a personal, special project – call it a dream. It’s not something you have to do – it’s just something you desperately want to do. It could be a private dream, or it could be a more public, official dream. But following your dream is causing you to neglect prayer, neglect your family, neglect your health and your friends. Following this dream is making you anxious, and irritable. Well then, GIVE THAT DREAM UP! The sooner you despair, the sooner you have the feeling that says, “this is not worth it, and it won’t make me happy anyway” – the better.

Giving up on pet projects that get in the way of our more important responsibilities is part of what it means to grow up, psychologically and spiritually. Thank God He’s given us the feeling of despair to help us do just that.

five

Despairing in ourselves; hoping in the Lord

Jesus makes it clear that if we try to make ourselves virtuous on our own – If we try to earn Heaven, if we try to be so impressive that we impress God Himself, and He’s basically forced to admit that we’re awesome and we deserve a place of glory in Heaven – Well, if we try any of that we will surely fail.

We can’t do it without Him – and just to drive it home, He says, “Without me, you can do nothing.” So, if ever you start trying to earn heaven by your own awesomeness, if ever you notice that you’re trying to save yourself, get that despair going and give up as quickly as you can.       

On the other hand, if you ever start looking at yourself, and your brokenness, your vanity,, envy, crankiness, lack of self-control, and your unbelievable spiritual laziness and you think, “There’s no way I could ever be a saint. It’s impossible” Well then you need to remember something else Our Lord said, “With God, all things are possible”

Then use that feeling of hope to hang in there and keep giving it your best.