The Art of Attention & Curiosity
Attention is a disposition of readiness and allowing things to happen. For example, a kid walking along stops to examine a worm after the rain vs. the kid who’s too busy looking at his phone.
To be curious, we need to recognize the other and give them our attention. Receptivity sparks the desire to want to know more.
Walks in nature or any activity where you are not the center of the attention, but where you can notice interesting things about creation and others
Fascination comes from being filled with God in prayer; it originally meant to cast a spell; but here we mean to be captivated by another: “Let me look at you!”
Ask every question you can think of about the other and be sincerely interested. Don’t be in a hurry to get to the next question.
Suspend judgment
This doesn’t mean we have to become relativists; it means that when we’re building someone’s trust in us they have to know we really care for them.
They don’t care what you know until they know that you care.
Sometimes people know that they’re odd or even not living morally; they expect you to judge them when this is the case.
By suspending judgment, you're ultimately allowing yourself to be more receptive to what someone is saying. You're focusing less on what you're going to say next, and more on the words and information they're choosing to tell you or not tell you.
Affirm the good that you can affirm. If you can’t affirm the good in what they’re saying, you can at least affirm that you ‘hear them.’
Recognize that this person in front of you was made by God, and He has glorious plans for him/her. Look at this C.S. Lewis quote:
It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption, the kind of thing you meet only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilization—these are mortal (passing) But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit—immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.
Even if they seem disinterested in God or the things of God, they are made for Him and His plan! This is the ‘ace up your sleeve.’ You can count on this truth, even if your acquaintance doesn’t or even seems to reject it.
Don’t be afraid, God is with you. We often allow ourselves to be intimidated before the fact because we project assumptions into the conversation before they occur. We ‘psyche ourselves out.’
Practice holding your attention in other activities
Because of technology, we are unwittingly cultivating short attention spans.
Let them know that they are more important to you than your phone, your notifications. They’re not the ‘cool thing’ until the better cool thing comes up.
Read good books; not blog posts. These books take time and attention. (Books by the saints, Chronicles of Narnia, Lord of the Rings, works by Catholic authors like Walker Percy, Graham Green, George Bernanos, etc. See me for more suggestions.)
To sum up: Conversations with others shows our interest, our willingness to invest time in the other; that they’re worth it.
Attention is how we show our love. It’s not about being entertained, but about loving.
Contemplation is defined by St. Theresa as a “loving awareness of Him whom we know loves us.”