What Now?

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One

Empty Nesters with Money and Time

We are living in a time and a culture when people can retire earlier and live longer. And what happens then? 

What happens when you and your spouse are empty-nesters, and you don’t need to work as much or at all outside the home, and maybe your kids are far away so nobody really needs you very often.

So many couples find themselves, in the second half of their lives, simply drowning in time and money, and nothing to do.

There’s a kind of desperate pleasure-hunting, restaurants and travel and inflicting yourselves on your adult children. But there has to be more to life than that, man was not made for pickle-ball alone, even in retirement years. 

Quite the opposite. The second half of one’s life can now be a striving for a deep friendship with Jesus, growth in virtue, and helping others like never before.

There is something we can learn from the men and women who go into monasteries and convents so they can grow in intimacy with the Lord and in virtue and holiness. So, what is stopping you? I don’t mean from entering a monastery or convent. I mean what’s stopping you from committing to seeking a greater friendship with Jesus in prayer, from really converting from your sins and vices to a life of virtue, and to committing to spending time helping others spiritually and materially?

You have the time, you have the money, you have the freedom, why not try to create a place of monastic peace and holiness in your house and in your life, for you and your spouse, to grow closer to one another and closer to the Lord?

This isn’t just for empty nesters, it actually works for everyone, married or single.

Two

What do they Do in Monasteries?

The first thing they do in monasteries is worship God, which is actually the top duty of every person – to worship God.  

In the Eucharistic Prayer of the Mass, the priest says, “It is truly right and just, our duty and our salvation, always and everywhere to give You thanks, Father Most Holy, through Your Beloved Son, Jesus Christ.”

The life of Monasteries and Convents revolves around the worship of God. They have a liturgical and prayer life together. That means daily mass together. It means rosary together. It means extended times for Lectio Divina and silent prayer'. It can also mean doing the liturgy of the hours together with your spouse at set times throughout the day. That’s what gives every day its structure, and prevents your time from turning an unfocussed, aimless blob

The second thing they do in monasteries is work for the good of the household. And even if you’re retired, you and your spouse should still have daily work. It doesn’t actually have to be the same work. In fact, usually it isn’t in a monastery.

But the husband should have some work he’s doing for the good of the household. And the wife should have some work she’s doing for the good of the household. Every day.

Three

Monasteries are places of Penance and Silence

A husband and wife should, especially during Advent and Lent, develop shared penances, which they can offer up lovingly to the crucified Lord.

Nothing is worse in old age than to simply abandon yourself to physical comfort. Holiness and a meaningful life in the Lord require self-denial and that has to be what both spouses are willing to pursue.

Also, monastic houses are places of silence. Don’t leave the TV on, or the radio. Remove the unnecessary distractions from your life and create more silence in your home. It will give you more to think about and more to say when it’s time for good conversation. 

St. Faustyna writes, “Silence is a sword in the spiritual struggle. A talkative soul will never attain sanctity. The sword of silence will cut off everything that would like to cling to the soul. We are sensitive to words and quickly want to answer back, without taking any regard as to whether it is God’s will that we should speak. A silent soul is strong; no adversities will harm it if it perseveres in silence. The silent soul is capable of attaining the closest union with God. It lives almost always under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. God works in a silent soul without hindrance.”

Four

Recreation and Service to Others/Hospitality

Monasteries aren’t just houses of penance, they are houses of friendship and community.

They have time set aside for communal meals and for communal recreation. You and your spouse should have time set aside every day to walk, talk, and eat together. And most importantly, monasteries are houses of charity.

The charity monastics show is primarily in hospitality. Religious are famous for welcoming people into their houses and sharing their meals with them.

So are you practicing hospitality on a regular basis? Do you have family and friends over regularly?

Sundays are great days for this. But religious also go out to help the poor, the sick, and the imprisoned.

So are you and your spouse regularly giving time to go help those who are both spiritually and materially in need? 

If you are giving time generously to meals and recreation with your spouse, and if you are furthermore taking the love and generosity God has shown you and offering that to others, then your house won’t be an empty nest. It will be a house where God’s grace and God’s love serve as a beacon to the community.

Five

This is your chance to get the best of all worlds.

When couples are in the midst of having and raising kids, getting them through school, getting them out into the world, they often think to themselves that it would be nice to have the peace and the prayer and the order of a religious community. But then when that becomes a real opportunity for them, they often just pass it by.

Maybe the husband gets totally caught up in living for some work project or the wife gets totally caught up in living for her grandkids. And this chance to live a life of prayer, of discipline and charity and community with your spouse, gets lost.

Monasticism requires discipline and flexibility and generosity but it is, objectively, the highest form of this life as well as the greatest preparation for the next life. Wouldn’t that be a beautiful way to try to spend however many decades God still offers?