What I Should Never Forget

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One

The stuff it’s hard not to want a lot of

It is astounding to me what I can’t remember, but I should never forget. I can’t seem to remember that Jesus is the only One who can make me and everyone else perfectly happy. I forget that He is the treasure, the Peal of great price we should go in search for. But I forget that. Every day I forget.

And the three big temptations are to money, sex, and influence, which in this culture, usually translates to fame. So money, sex, and fame.

And yet the Christian life encourages us to detach from these things, to not invest too much in them, to not even set our heart on them, and definitely not look for happiness from them. Because they don’t make you happy, they’re highly addictive, they don’t last, and they distract you from things that are so much better!

So how can we remember that these three things are not things we should really be pursuing?

Two

Sexual Pleasure

There is, at the end of the day, no pleasure that requires more sacrifices and more investment, with less long-term payoff, than sexual pleasure. If you become a sex addict, then basically you invest your whole life in a few intermittent experiences throughout the day. You lose everything, and you just get a few moments of relief from your gnawing, desperate need in exchange.

Even if you live your sexuality as a decent Christian, you give your life to your spouse, form a family, raise children, and spend the bulk of your life working to support them and to form them – and, in fact, these beautiful people and the self-sacrifices you make for them are what makes life worth living, not the handful of times a week – MAYBE! – that you experience the physical pleasure of marriage.

The point is, God gave us sexual desire and sexual pleasure so we would commit ourselves to much greater goods, love and friendship, and children who are eternal beings, eternal goods, and incomparably greater happiness.

Which is why sexuality, whether in this life or the next, will be taken away. Because by then it’s supposed to have brought us to the greater things and greater joys.

Women probably face sexual temptation in a way that is different from men, men and women are different you know.

Generally, women have a very good desire for relationships, for the good of marriage, kids, and grandkids. And giving oneself to these relationships is very good – it’s what the world desperately needs. And Jesus said, “Whatever you do for one of the little ones you do for me.” But the temptation is to give oneself totally to a spouse, kids, and grandkids and only give the leftovers of yourself to Jesus. 

We may be tempted to think, “If I give my husband, kids, and grandkids what they want, they will want me, love me.” When what you really want, really need is a relationship with Jesus. 

So be smart – think it through. Don’t get attached to a very, very transitory thing that only exists to bring you to something better.

Three

Money

Money exists as a very imprecise and, in this economy, unreliable, symbol. It’s a symbol that you have done something good for people and so other people will be willing to do something for you. That’s why we have money, that’s what it means. it’s supposed to be a symbol that encourages us to do good for others and encourages other people to do good for them. But doing good for others is the point of everything, along with being grateful when other people do good for us.

That’s what makes life worth living. When we are good to friends, family, neighbors, colleagues, customers, and even strangers, and when all these people are good to us. And you don’t need a lot of money in order to do good to the people around you or be grateful to all the people for all the good they’ve done to you.

I recently read a biography of an author I like, Rumer Godden. She was very a successful writer in the 60’s and 70’s and made a lot of money that she used to give her children many advantages. Tragically, one of her daughters didn’t want anything to do with her mother’s writing success or the financial advantages or really Rumer herself,  because Rumer’s pursuit of achievement and financial security through writing prevented her from giving the attention to her kids they needed. 

Relationship is the goal, not money.

So be smart. Think it through. Don’t get attached to a symbol of mutual kindness and cooperation and goodwill. Don’t let money become a substitute for actually loving those around you and appreciating their goodness to you.  Don’t let a very unreliable and inexact symbol distract you from what actually makes life worth living.

Four

Fame

What about fame? Why do so many people want to stand out, be known, make a name for themselves?

There’s an incredible bit of dialogue in Robert Bolt’s play (which was then turned into an academy award winning movie), A Man for All Seasons. In that play, St. Thomas More is trying to convince his young friend, Richard, that he should be a teacher. 

He says, “Why not be a teacher? You’d be a fine teacher, perhaps a great one.”

And Richard says, disdainfully, “And if I was, who would know it?”

 And Thomas More says, “You; your pupils; your friends; God. Not a bad public, that.”

What a perfect summary! Why would we want to be known by strangers, who can never really know us, and certainly can never really love us? Why wouldn’t we strive to do right by the people actually in our lives? If anyone’s opinions matter, it’s theirs, the people we actually deal with face-to-face, and most importantly, the God of Heaven and Earth.

Why distract ourselves with fame, or “making an impact” with the views of people who don’t really know our character?

Let’s do right by those in front of us. And when they say, “You’re a great husband, or a great wife, or a great mom, or a great dad, or a great boss, or a great employee,” that will mean something. And when God says, “Well done, good and faithful servant,” that will mean something.

So be smart, think it through. Don’t waste a second on fame or popularity. Don’t waste a second worrying about the opinions of strangers because their evaluation doesn’t matter. Think about the people close to you. Think about God’s opinion. Because that opinion is the one that counts.

Five

The Holy Family

Jesus is the all-holy God become man. He is the source of all holiness, infinite holiness in human form. So it’s probably worth remembering that He was celibate, poor, and for most of His life, completely unknown in the wider world. Mary is the greatest saint and the Church honors her with a unique honor called “hyperdulia”. She was also celibate, poor, and pretty much completely unknown in the wider world. Joseph is the next-greatest saint. The Church’s honor for Joseph is called “proto-dulia”. He was also celibate, poor, and completely unknown in the wider world.

These are the three best, happiest human beings who ever lived. So why would we not pursue a greater proximity to them? 

Why would we not want to detach, as much as possible within our state in life, from sex, money, and fame? Why would we not focus on love, family, and community, and try to avoid what tends to distract from those things? Why would we not look for happiness after the model of the Holy Family?