Understanding Your Anxiety
ONE
“I’ve suffered a great many misfortunes, most of which never happened.” Mark Twain
I spoke with a priest today who asked me to pray for people. I asked why? Almost every confession I hear, he responded, people are plagued by anxiety.
Repeatedly Jesus tells us Do not be afraid, do not worry, have no anxiety. But we do. Why is this?
Our brain is designed by God to warn us of danger using different signals. If you turn your ankle hiking, pain warns us of causing additional tissue damage; fatigue tells us to rest; hunger and thirst are messages to refuel with food and water; seeing a bear is a signal to out-run your hiking partner…
But sometimes danger signals can be activated by mistake.
Take anxiety for example. Anxiety is a danger signal to run faster or fight harder when we’re faced with a physical threat
Anxiety is great when a bear is chasing you, but it’s not so helpful in the middle of an exam or a big job interview.
And since the brain can’t always distinguish one type of danger from another, it can respond to a psychological danger (I really hope I don’t blow this job interview) as if it were a physical danger (I really hope this bear doesn’t eat my friend).
This is why we can develop anxiety even in situations where our lives aren’t in danger. Our brains can misinterpret the nature of the threat and activate the wrong danger signal resulting in fear.
What are the sources of our anxiety? Are they real dangers or a false signal?
TWO
We’ve all seen this: a rambunctious child runs and falls. Immediately, there is that fraction of a second when the child looks up to see how you are going to respond. If you run over to him, worried, frantically asking if he’s okay, he’ll start crying...convinced that he is near death. If instead, you calmly laugh and say, “That was awesome – isn’t running great! He’s right back up and running before you even finish your sentence. Because you have just reassured him – he is safe.
If you give the signal there is danger, they will react with fear. If you give the signal everything is safe, they respond with peace.
The way you react to anxiety will either reinforce a sense of danger or a sense of safety.
If you react with fear to anxiety, you give fuel to your anxiety. Fear is the fuel for anxiety. Take away the fuel and the anxiety will fade.
Anxiety is a danger signal. The way we react to anxiety determines whether this signal stays on or switches off.
When we react to anxiety with fear, it reinforces the message of danger, and the switch stays on – the anxiety persists. That is why the child cries in response to a worried parent.
Remove the fear by assuring the child that he is safe – and he will be happy and go on with his play.
Fear is the fuel for the anxiety. If you overcome your fear, it deactivates your danger signals and the anxiety fades.
So in reality, this is not a anxiety problem, it’s a fear problem. The anxiety is just the by-product. If you overcome your fear, the anxiety will disappear. It may not happen immediately, but it will eventually fade, once you've cut off its fuel source. Fear is the fuel for anxiety.
THREE
Anxiety is just a signal from the brain that danger is present. Sometimes our danger signals are mistaken and there is no real danger present.
When you experience anxiety, don’t give so much importance and power to the anxiety you feel. It’s just a message. Anxiety can lead to fear, but it does not need to.
Fear is the fuel. Take away the fuel and the anxiety fades.
The fuel, meaning the fear, in our current societal situation comes from the media and being out in public during these times. Our brains interpret what we are seeing as grave danger lurking everywhere. So your brain sends a message of anxiety. And then we add fuel by adding fear.
Let me give you a simple way out of anxiety: ground yourself in the reality - you are safe. I can say with confidence - You are safe. Well, how can I say that with such confidence? Because you are in the hands of God your Father and under the mantle of Mary. They will let nothing happen to you that won’t contribute to your greatest good. You are safe.
FOUR
Anxiety can be a mistaken message of danger to which we react with fear.
When you experience anxiety ground yourself in reality. Tell yourself “I am safe. God is my Father and Mary is my Mother. Under their watchful eye and care – I am safe no matter what happens. Furthermore, if I entrust all that I am responsible for to them (spouse, kids, grandkids, work, all our needs) God and Our Lady will take care of these things themselves and by telling you what to do and giving you the grace to do it.
Yes, you will experience temptations, trials, suffering and death. But none of these are evil or to be feared. They help you reach eternal life. God’s Providence is guiding all things for good for those who love him and you are under the Mantle of Mary. You are safe.
FIVE
When you experience anxiety, don’t react with fear – that’s the fuel.
Instead, dwell on Reality and repeat to yourself over and over:
I am safe
Jesus I surrender to you. Take care of everything!
Some think to surrender is to quit. NO. Surrender means to spend time with God each day talking and listening and just being with God. He knows the future. He will find a way to make known to you what you should do and He will give you the grace to do it.
Then leave the rest to Him.