The Way to Win at Life

One

The story of James and John: Christ’s instructions on how to be great

Many people know the story about how the mother of James and John asked Jesus to make sure that her sons got the impressive positions in His Kingdom, seats on His right and left. And James and John, far from being embarrassed, indicate that they’re willing to do whatever it takes to get those places of distinction. And, not surprisingly, the other Apostles want to know where James and John get off. So all the sudden the apostles, grown men who are supposed to be following and imitating Jesus, get into a huge argument about which of them was the greatest.

And so Jesus…I imagine him sighing the way parents sigh when their kids start fighting about stupid stuff…gathers them all and says, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and the great ones make their authority over them felt. But it shall not be so among you. Rather, whoever wishes to be great among you shall be your servant; whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave. Just so, the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.” 

This is how Jesus gives directions for how to win at life.

Two

The Impulse to Be “Impressive”

Many of us are like James and John and the other apostles. We think of life as a game, and the way you get points is by being more impressive. James and John wanted impressive seating assignments. But we want to get points by being impressive in other ways. Maybe by having impressive achievements or having built or done something impressive or having impressive kids or impressive experiences or having an impressive house, an impressive physique or beauty.

Yet Jesus is saying, “actually, none of these things will get you points in the game of life. None of these things helps you win. None of these things make you great.”

Three

Being Impressive Actually Does Nobody Any Good

It turns out that being impressive actually doesn’t do anybody else any good. 

Your impressive achievements don’t necessarily make anyone else’s life better. Your impressive house doesn’t help anyone else. And if you’re concerned about making your kids “impressive,” you’ll make your poor kids miserable. And, actually, these impressive things don’t really help you.

Worrying about being impressive makes you not enjoy stuff. You can’t enjoy your house if you’re worried about how other folks will see it. Trying to build an “impressive” empire will actually prevent you from doing the stuff you’re actually interested in, and that you actually think is important because your being impressive doesn’t make anybody like you. It may make them envious of you. It may make them insecure and defensive around you. It may make them think about the different ways they can use you.

In other words, making it your goal to be impressive, to “distinguish yourself,” actually hurts your relationships as it did when James and John’s ambition started the apostles quarreling among themselves.

So why would you waste time trying to be impressive?

Four

Serving People

Jesus says that if you want to be great, become a servant. That’s how you get points in this life. That’s how you win. Do things for others, you imitate Christ, who came not to be served, but to serve.

We think of what we need, but the people in our lives are different. We usually have no idea what they need. So, ask them, and really listen and observe. Then do what they need. Ask them if you are on track and be willing to adjust.

Eventually, you will get to the point where you understand and then you can anticipate, you can foresee and fulfill their needs and desires before they are expressed. 

It can be basic stuff. Being cheerful at home or at work, showing interest in another person even if you feel bored to tears, asking what they think instead of just giving your own opinions. Not getting angry if your spouse isn’t doing something you wish he or she would do at the dinner table, in the yard, or in the bedroom. Patience with the kids, doing the dishes or emptying the dishwasher so someone else doesn’t have to. Inviting someone from mass who seems lonely over to dinner.

This is how you win at life. This is how you score points. This is how you achieve greatness.

Five

Really Doing Good

People are so misguided when they try to impress other people, which, as James and John found, actually leads to other people not liking you.

Of course, the goal is to serve people. To do real, concrete, ordinary good for the people in your life. And that’s not going to get you a Wikipedia page. It’s not going to impress people. But it will make other people like you. And it will make you feel blessed to have so many good folks in your life who are happy to be around you. And it means when you die, you will know your life wasn’t wasted on meaningless vain show. It was well spent.

And remember this: probably the most astounding thing that will happen when we are finally before God, is that He will, if we have done well, say “Thank you,” to us! Can you imagine, the eternal, infinite God – the source of all gifts – saying “Thank you” to us?

But He won’t do it if we spend our time building little stupid monuments to our own glory. He’ll only do it if we devote ourselves to being kind and useful and spiritually helpful to His other children. So, let’s focus on doing that.