The Most Dangerous Trend

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Prolonged solitary confinement is one of the worst forms of psychological torture. And in its essence Hell is being locked in solitary confinement forever - trapped in darkness without seeing, hearing or feeling the touch of another human person forever with no hope that it will end. That is hell – eternity without friends. That’s starting on a high note – isn’t it…    

And if that were not scarry enough – think of this, we are forging hell on earth. I am watching the most dangerous trend develop – the dissolution or breaking up of relationships and friendships with a resulting isolation and loneliness – the beginning of hell on earth.  

Now, there are lots of reasons relationships are breaking down:

·       People are afraid of getting covid or giving it to someone else;

·       We’ve been discouraged from getting together;

·       We work from home; exercise from home; order our groceries from home; go to church from home…;

·       And most of it we do – alone.

·       We are all living the movie - Home Alone!

Plus, everyone is offended by everyone else. We see what we consider to be inexcusable behavior or beliefs by other people and then we write them off. It could be politics, religion, morality or covid. We write them off because we feel threatened or wronged by others – so we cut ourselves off from them and isolate – we begin to build hell on earth.

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A Real problem is that we think we have been threatened or wronged or forsaken and we refuse to forgive and reach out to reestablish relationships.  What do we need to do to forgive? Well, I don’t know about you, but I need to remember how God has forgiven me for what we know was wrong. I am the worst of all sinners. Why do I claim this? Because I know what I have done, why I did it and what the circumstances were. I know it was wrong on every level. But I cannot know why you did what you did nor the circumstances. That remains hidden to me. So as far as I can know, I am the worst of all sinners and stand in need of the most forgiveness. The first step to forgive is to remember how much God has forgiven us.

Then remember that you prayed to God that he would only forgive you as you have forgiven others. “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Our petition will not be heard unless we have first met the strict requirement of forgiving others. Think about that.

Finally, put no conditions on your forgiveness. They don’t need to admit they were wrong; they don’t need to change; and you don’t need to exhibit to them just how hurt you feel. God put no conditions on forgiving us and we can put no conditions on others.

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Hell is isolation, but it is also boredom. Hell is boredom for two reasons:

·        In hell we are isolated from all other humans and you are left with the monotony of yourself. 

·        Hell is boring because there is no challenge to overcome.

To overcome boredom, it is necessary to challenge yourself – in other words, to find something that interrupts the ideas and perspectives and feelings you take for granted. 

Ironically – the greatest and most rewarding challenge is to become friends and stay friends with another person. This is the greatest challenge because EVERY other person has their own intellect and will, every person thinks differently from you and wants different things. Every other person in the world has a different set of priorities and insights. Other people are a challenge, always – they surprise and startle you with what is not you.

We are bored here on earth because instead of challenging ourselves by making and keeping friends, we have chosen entertainment instead. In fact, entertainment is the strategy of the devil to keep us from friendship and cause his kingdom of hell to reign on earth because we settle for passive watching rather than engaging with the people around us. Instead of the challenge of making and keeping friends – we isolate into entertainment – which we choose to gratify our own thoughts and preferences.

Its amazing to watch a room full or even just a couple of zombies watching some entertainment – (Sandy didn’t like me describing people as zombies – so ill soften it – walking dead). Now a concert, or the Chiefs or a good movie – this can all be good but too often we just passively stare at a screen and never engage in deepening the friendship. Why is this – because friendship requires conversation about deeper than surface level stuff.  

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The goal is friendship with God and others.

There are two steps to achieve this goal: First, serve the other, that is, do some good for them or do some good with them; and second, delight in them. And let the other person know that you delight in them. But remember that their change is not the condition for serving or delighting in them.

Take the initiative and have genuine interest in other people – your spouse, each kid, your parents, friends, colleagues…

Share a meal, a beer, a walk, a book – do some good for them and with them.

Delight in the other person while you do good with them. Let them know by your interest, your words, questions, body language and the hospitality that you really enjoy being with them.

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As said above, EVERY person thinks differently from you and wants different things. Every person in the world has a different set of priorities and insights. Therefore, every relationship demands not that you water down or change your principles but that we engage with others despite the differences. That is precisely the challenge and it’s also the adventure. Isn’t that the allure of leaving the small town you’ve lived in your whole life and going to an exotic city. Its exotic because its different from yours and that is what makes it an exciting adventure! Differences in other people, be it your spouse or others, is not the bad part – its is the best part. It’s what keeps us from being bored with ourselves.

And if you are waiting to invest in friendship until you find someone who thinks and wants just like you – you will never find it – it does not exist. And that is the greatest blessing because remember – hell is the absolute boredom that comes from absolute isolation.

The greatest challenge is making and staying friends with people who are different, and it is precisely other people who transform life from boring monotony to a fantastic adventure and growth.

A great way to do this is to pray the Rosary with another person. Then ask them what they were reflecting on during the Rosary or share the good fruits you have experienced from praying the Rosary. Finally, share with me the good you have experienced through the Rosary – email me at…