The Definition of the Family
One
What is a family?
The term “family” gets applied to nearly every group of people out there. If you shop at a store, they tell you you’re part of their family. If you work for a corporation, you’re part of their corporate family. If you sign up for a streaming service, you’re part of their family of viewers. It’s absurd, really. It’s gotten so that we’ve actually forgotten the definition of a family.
But the Church hasn’t forgotten. The Church still provides a clear definition of what a family means. Here it is: “A man and a woman united in marriage, together with their children, form a family.”
That’s the definition. It’s the definition of the most basic, fundamental human community. And every other community depends on it.
Two
Derivative analogies of families
The Catechism goes on to say that a married man and woman, together with their children, “should be considered the normal reference point by which the different forms of family relationship are to be evaluated.”
In other words, the nuclear family is the gold standard. Nuclear, from the word nucleus, means the core part or basis of everything else.
The nuclear family means a married man and woman with their children. That’s the ideal model, the way we’ve been designed by God to function and flourish.
There are other powerful relationships in our lives: Soldiers in the same unit may feel like a band of brothers. A sports coach may take on something of a fatherly role toward his players. Two close female friends may come to have a mutual sisterly affection. And that’s all good. But none of that can or should replace the unique relationship between husband and wife, between parents and children, and among siblings.
All those other relationships are the results of our choices. They are relationships created by humans.
But the bond between a validly married man and woman and the connection of children with their parents and with each other…these relationships are created by God.
Three
Recognition, protection, and promotion
Because the family is so important, so crucial, and so basic, it demands recognition, protection, and promotion. That goes especially for the government.
The government’s job is to protect and promote the common good of society. But the common good of society demands a base of healthy, flourishing families. And boy, are we losing that base!
So, what can the government do to help support families?
Well, the first thing it can do is to stop pretending it doesn’t know what the word “family” means. The first thing it can do is to acknowledge that a family is a married man and woman with their children.
As the Catechism says, the institution of the family is, ”prior to any recognition by public authority, which has an obligation to recognize it” (#2202).
In other words, the Catechism is saying, a family is a family, whether the State wants to recognize it or not. But the state had better recognize the nature and the importance of the family, or that State is failing at one of its most fundamental jobs.
Four
Weakened families
Unfortunately, families are increasingly deviating from the model designed by God through abandonment, divorce, infidelity, and sexual confusion. This makes it hard for people to realize the natural model of the family as God intended it.
We can’t get away from the tragedy of the broken family by using other terms. If a family is broken, or wounded, you can’t heal it by calling it a “blended”, “non-traditional”, or “modern” family.
Of course, God can bring great good out of brokenness, and there is a lot of love and joy, even in such families.
They deserve respect and support, especially inasmuch as they’re going to have a harder time, precisely because they don’t have the experience of a complete or faithful family unit.
But we have to be up-front with our children, even those raised in such families: this isn’t the ideal. This isn’t what they should shoot for when the time comes for them to start their own families.
A valid and life-long marriage between a man and a woman, along with their children. That’s the goal. That’s the family structure we should strive for and encourage our kids to strive for.
Five
The Holy Family
Of course, none of our families are perfect. None of them are ideal. But the more we strive towards that ideal, the happier and richer our family lives will be – and the better off the human race will be as a whole.
Fortunately, the ideal family isn’t just an abstraction. We don’t just have an idea to approximate. God gave us a truly perfect nuclear family to imitate. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph – that core family, which is the model of the entire human species – are our examples. They are the family we must always aspire to approach.
And most importantly, they are our intercessors and advocates. They are still our chief aids in the pursuit of family wholeness and holiness.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, pray for us and for our families. Amen.