The Cross With or Without Christ
One
One Apostle
Overall, women performed much better at the test of Calvary than men did. Christ had plenty of male enemies with Him at his death, between the Pharisees and the Roman soldiers. And He had a devoted band of women who stayed with Him till the end. But of Christ’s followers, we don’t know of any who made it to the foot of the cross except John. Only one man was loyal enough to Jesus to come to the side of His wooden deathbed.
Why didn’t the other apostles make it? And how did John manage to show?
Two
“I just can’t handle it.”
The apostles all fled when Jesus was arrested in the Garden. You can imagine why: it was scary. It was overwhelming. Of course, Jesus had tried to prepare His apostles for what was going to happen, but they still weren’t ready. And everyone tells you that Christianity is going to be tough. That it means you have to carry your own cross, and that blessed are those who mourn. But then it comes, and you don’t feel ready. And you run. And, actually, that’s where sin happens.
Three
Sin as Fear
The whole story of Calvary is a story of people dominated by fear. Peter denied Christ out of fear of strangers’ opinions. Pilate convicted Christ out of a fear of revolution. The Jewish religious leaders demanded Christ’s blood out of a fear of having their own shallow hypocrisy exposed. And the apostles abandoned Jesus out of a fear of being arrested with Him.
Even the flight into sinful pleasures, lust, drugs, gossip, is always a form of escapism. It’s a flight from the rigors of virtue, from the severe self-reflection of silence, and eventually from the pain of withdrawal. You run, you run into the darkness and you abandon Christ.
And you forget that the thing you are running from is something you’ll have to face one day anyway.
Four
You Will Face What You Fear
Whatever you’re afraid of, you’ll have to face one day. If you’re afraid that other people will finally realize your true, pathetic nature, then guess what: One day, at the last judgement, you’ll have to face that fear when the whole universe will know everything you’ve done. If you’re afraid of physical suffering or death, well, that’s definitely coming for you, sooner or later. If you’re afraid of silence, silence will definitely come. You won’t have audio-visual when you’re soul separates from your body. You’re going to be leaving your eyes and ears behind for a while.
If you’re afraid of the pains of detox, withdrawal from whatever you’re addicted to, that’s coming too. You can’t bring sex or drugs or food or drink with you to the next life. You’ll have to let it go, eventually. And the more dependent on it you are, the more it’ll hurt then.
Do you see that whatever that thing is that you’re running away from Jesus to avoid, you’ll have to face it sooner or later anyway?
Again, the only question is, will you face it with Jesus or will you face it alone?
Five
Either you’ll face your fear with Christ, or you’ll face it alone
St. John is the only apostle who made it to Calvary. And St. John is the only apostle who wasn’t martyred. See, he didn’t need to face martyrdom because he’d already faced it. He’d already been through it, and he’d been through it with Christ. The other apostles who had run away, they still had to face their fear of death. And they did it, they came through that final test. But they had to do it alone, without Jesus.
Oh Lord, give us the opportunity and the grace to face whatever we’re afraid of now, with you. Lead us to the suffering we fear, so that we won’t fear it anymore, so that our fears will no longer have the power to drive us away from you.
Suggested Resolutions:
Choose one resolution for today to help you grow closer to God, or create your own. Here are some ideas to inspire you.
If you fear letting go of your phone, let go of it with Christ by saying a prayer each time you want to reach for it, setting aside a few hours of every day to be separated from your devices.
Spend time in adoration away from all of your attachments and fears, thinking only of Him and remembering that He is the one who keeps you safe.