The Contagion
One
Tell Me Who You Hang Out With
There is an old saying, "Tell me what company you keep, and I'll tell you what you are.” Or as Aristotle said, “The character of a man’s friends reveals his own character.” 1 Corinthians Paul warns that bad friends ruin good people. Proverbs 27:17, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."
Virtuous friends help make us a better person. It’s just a fact of experience that our personalities are formed by the people we spend time with. That’s why spending a lot of time with people who are vicious (vicious means they are full of vice, full of bad habits), spending time with these types of friends is so spiritually dangerous. In fact, it’s spiritually lethal. But it’s also why spending a lot of time with virtuous friends is so spiritually helpful. In fact, it’s a spiritual necessity if you want to become really holy.
Two
The Contagion of Vice
We are well aware that many bodily diseases are transmitted by proximity and especially by direct physical contact. But if we are vulnerable to bodily illnesses through contact with others, why would we not realize that we’re vulnerable to spiritual illnesses through contact with others? After all, the people we surround ourselves with almost inevitably become our standard for what counts as normal.
If everyone in our circle uses foul language, then foul language is going to seem normal to us and it’s almost inevitable that our own speech will become infected with the same filth. The same holds for lust, for gossip, for anxiety about money for vanity, for every kind of vice.
Nobody can avoid being affected by the people they surround themselves with. Even if you remain the most virtuous member of your group, a vicious group will set a certain standard that makes your vices seem pretty tame. Which means you will accept these vices and not fight against them and you won’t grow in virtue. That’s what happens. It’s what always happens when you hang out a lot with vicious people.
What happens when you hang out with virtuous people?
Three
De-incentivizing Vice
Hanging out with virtuous people has the exact opposite effect. When you spend time with virtuous people, you start to see your vices in their true ugliness. C. S. Lewis wrote that it was one of God’s greatest gifts and one that helped set him on the path to conversion, that he fell in with a group of friends that wanted nothing to do with the kind of ugly conversation that Lewis had been used to.
Virtuous companionship can do the same thing for all the vices. It can help you not only see but feel the embarrassing immaturity of lust. Or the petty, small-mindedness of gossip. Or the complete uselessness of anxiety about money.
When you’re around people who don’t indulge in these vices, not only are you hesitant to indulge in these vices around your friends but your conscience begins to be formed rightly, to the point that you don’t like the idea of these vices anymore. And that, that is an incredible step on the path to virtue and happiness.
Four
Seeing the World from a Virtuous Perspective
The other thing virtuous friendships give you is a whole new perspective on every aspect of life.
C.S. Lewis also wrote about what a great blessing from God it was when he was surrounded by people who thought clearly and deeply about important things. It’s kind of like playing basketball or baseball regularly with really good players. It will necessarily raise your game. It’s like the difference between just trying to learn a foreign language out of a book, versus not only learning the grammar and trying to memorize the vocabulary but actually getting the chance to talk regularly with native speakers.
If you want to learn how to speak a foreign language, there’s no substitute for actually spending time talking to native speakers. And it’s the same with virtue and holiness. You can learn a lot from the Bible and the Catechism and religious books and videos. But there’s no substitute for spending time talking to those who are already living holiness and virtue at a high level. By spending time with the virtuous people in your life you will actually be able to become a saint.
Five
So Who are You Hanging Out With?
Tell me who you hang out with and I’ll tell you who you are, or at least, I’ll tell you who you are becoming. Are you spending most of your time with people less virtuous than yourself? Then expect to become less virtuous. Are you not spending time with anybody, you’re just reading and praying, and learning about the faith on your own? Then expect not to make much actual progress. In fact, don’t expect to ever get past the “beginner” stage.
Are you regularly spending time with people who are, at least in many respects, more virtuous and holier than yourself? Good. Then you will become more virtuous and more holy. And that, at the end of the day, is the number one goal of this life.