St. Photina
One
Photina
Today is the Feast of St. Photina. According to tradition, she is the woman Jesus met at the well in John chapter four. John tells us that Jesus, tired from his journey, sat beside Jacob’s well in the Samaritan city of Sychar, today the city of Nablus. A Samaritan woman came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.” She was surprised, because Jews normally had no dealings with Samaritans. But Jesus replied, “If you knew the gift of God… you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” Then Jesus made a promise that has echoed through the centuries, “Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give will never thirst. The water that I give will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
As the conversation unfolded, Jesus revealed that He knew her life completely, that she had five husbands and was now living with a man who was not her husband. And yet instead of condemning her, He revealed Himself to her. She said, “I know that Messiah is coming.” Jesus replied, “I who speak to you am he.” At that moment, everything changed. She left her water jar, ran back to the city, and told the people, “Come see a man who told me everything I ever did. Can this be the Christ?”
And many Samaritans believed in Jesus because of her testimony. Photina had no theology degree. She had no training in evangelization. But she had met Jesus. And that was enough.
Two
Martyrdom
About thirty years later, around 66 AD, Photina and her grown children left Israel as the Jewish revolt against Rome was beginning and moved to Carthage in North Africa, where her son Victor became an officer in the Roman army. A government official and friend of his named Sebastian wrote him a letter urging him to keep his Christian faith private. But as Sebastian was writing the letter, he suddenly went blind for three days.
On the fourth day, he declared, “The God of the Christians is the only true God.” He asked for baptism and immediately regained his sight. News of this miracle reached the Emperor Nero. Sebastian and Victor were arrested and brought to Rome. When Photina heard this, she and other Christians traveled to Rome as well. They were arrested and brought before Nero, but they refused to renounce Jesus Christ. Even in prison, they continued to speak about Jesus and converted many of the other prisoners. Finally, they were tortured and put to death for their faith.
A relic of the skull of St. Photina remains today in the Church of Jacob’s Well in Nablus in the Holy Land. I have often stood before that relic of the martyr Photina and prayed, “Lord, give me and give all of us the same love and courage that filled her heart.”
Three
Definition of Friendship
Photina told everyone about Jesus, and many of them converted. Just telling people about Jesus hasn’t worked for me. There must be another way other than just telling people.
Actually, there is, it’s the way of Jesus. Jesus came from heaven to earth to live genuine friendship with Mary and Joseph, the Apostles, Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, and others. So the method of Jesus was to live in friendship. But I wonder if we have the right understanding of friendship? I wonder if we see it the way Jesus does?
Friendship is a bond between two or more people united in pursuing something greater than themselves. C.S. Lewis explains that friendship differs from romantic love because friends stand shoulder to shoulder, pursuing some good thing other than each other. Friends don’t just want to sit there absorbed in each other; they want to pursue a common goal together and talk about that thing they’re both interested in, whether that is God or physical health, family life, meaningful work, the pursuit of truth, or the appreciation of beauty.
You might be running partners or hunting buddies, or colleagues who work on long-term projects together, or you and your spouse work on raising kids together or caring for elderly parents. Friendship develops as you pursue some good thing with another person. That is one of the reasons marriages fail when the kids move out. Their friendship ended because the common goal or mission ended. So, friendship is never just about each other, it’s always about something else.
Four
How to form true friendships
If friendship is formed by the shared pursuit of some good thing, then I need to be forming myself in good things; otherwise, I have no way to participate and nothing to contribute. If we are going to be running partners, then I need to commit to running. If we’re going to be hunting buddies, then I need to own a gun and know how to shoot well. Otherwise, I have nothing to contribute.
But first, you must eliminate what kills friendship, unnecessary screen time. If you remove it, boredom will drive you toward real relationships. If you remain absorbed in it, you will forfeit friendship, because screens crowd out the attention and presence that friendship requires.
Where do we begin? Dedicate yourself to pursuing good things: seek a deep friendship with God in prayer, exercise, prepare and eat good food, engage in work that is good for other people, and grow in knowledge about God and the good world around us. Experience real beauty through nature, literature, and music. Commit to learning skills like cooking, taking walks, pickleball, reading good books, or going to concerts. Then take the initiative to invite someone or a small group to do this with you.
Have good conversation while you are doing these good things together. Good conversation based on good common pursuits is the key to authentic and lasting friendships. Therefore, if I lack deep friendships, the first place to look is not outward but inward: Am I pursuing anything worthy of being shared?
Five
Spiritual Friendship
The deepest and most fulfilling friendships are formed when we pursue the highest good together: God, holiness, and the salvation of souls. This is spiritual friendship. What is true of all friendship is especially true here: If we are to pursue God together, I must actually be seeking Him, through the sacraments, daily meditation with a concrete resolution, the removal of sinful habits, and growth in virtue within a well-ordered life. If I want to be friends with a runner, I must run. Likewise, if I desire spiritual friendship, I must commit to the practices that open me to God. It really is that simple.
If you want spiritual friendship with people you love who aren’t interested in God, then you need to begin with friendships on the natural level. Invite them to do good things with you, like a meal, a book club, or some good activity. Friendship is the bridge by which we cross over to others and help them cross over to God. But you gotta build the bridge first and never burn it down.