St. Martha

One

Today is the Feast of St. Martha.

Luke 10:38 Jesus came to a village, and a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. She had a sister called Mary, who sat down at the Lord's feet and listened to him speaking. Now Martha who was distracted with all the serving said, 'Lord, do you not care that my sister is leaving me to do the serving all by myself? Please tell her to help me.' But the Lord answered: 'Martha, Martha,' he said 'you are anxious and worry about so many things, and yet few are needed, indeed only one. It is Mary who has chosen the better part; it is not to be taken from her.' 

Martha is reproved by Jesus because she is worried about so many things while Mary is praised for recognizing the one thing necessary, listening at the feet of Jesus in prayer.  

We tend to look at this story and think Martha was entirely in the wrong, but let’s not miss the important fact that…if it was all up to Mary…Jesus probably wouldn’t have been at their house in the first place.

Why? Because it was likely Martha who invited him and gave him hospitality. As a result, Martha, Mary, and their brother Lazarus became some of the best friends of Jesus. Oh, and by the way, it was probably a result of the hospitality and friendship that Jesus raised their brother Lazarus from the dead and all three became Saints. 

God’s original plan, which is still in effect, is that faith would be passed on from parents to children and from friends to friends. This was to take place by means of friendship and good conversation. But to have friendship and good conversation it only makes sense that we invite people to where we live and then give them hospitality. 

Martha is the patron saint of friendship. Now it’s our turn to follow. 

Two

A frightening trend

People are choosing entertainment and screens over the good of real friendships and relationships with others. And this results in the tragic consequence of many people experiencing isolation and loneliness. But the goal of life is not that we are entertained and other people are not for our entertainment. 

Now, entertainment is pleasurable, comfortable, easy, and requires nothing from us. But people are nothing like that. And this has led to a dangerous mindset in which we see ourselves as victims and everyone else as toxic.

In some sense, this is true. Relationships are not easy. Other people have hurt us, they are difficult and annoying, and every relationship takes something from us. Everyone is, to some degree, toxic! We are all imperfect. We treat others as toxic, and push them away, making them think that we too are toxic, pushing us away, leaving everyone alone and incapable of growth.

So, is your choice to just be alone with your entertainment? If it is, then you’re choosing Hell on Earth, because that is what Hell is.

You are alone. Is that what you want? What do you want?

Three 

Some people have lives that are boring, painful, and overwhelming. At the very least, we all get exhausted.

We can all be tempted to escape into entertainment. But it won’t help. When the entertainment ends, our lives are still the same. 

What will help is the great good of family and friends. 

What is the good of friendship? Why does it make our lives better?

If one experiences life as painful, boring, or overwhelming, friendship is an elixir that assuages all three. It is very difficult to endure suffering alone, but one can endure almost anything if you have a good friend with you. And this is why misery loves company. 

Second, life can be too much to bear. It’s overwhelming, but if you have another person that can help carry the load, it’s suddenly manageable. 

And third, a friend brings surprise to the banality of your life. Yes, entertainment can be surprising and we can participate in it, but it cannot enter into our lives. Friends bring surprise, perspective, and beauty, into our lives. In friendship, we’re more than just spectators. 

Don’t we all want someone who really knows, understands, appreciates, and supports us? Entertainment can’t do that. Only a real friend can. Isn’t that what you want?

Four

Entertainment requires nothing from you, but friendship takes specific effort. 

You have to be committed to pursuing the good of friendship. It means you don’t just do it when you feel like it or when it’s convenient.

It takes invitation. 

Everyone is waiting for someone to invite them. And so everyone sits alone. If you want friendship, you have to take the initiative and invite others. And then be bold enough to keep inviting. Don’t give up just because someone is busy once or twice.

Friendship also takes hospitality. Make the effort to offer a delightful experience to the people you’re inviting - by doing something good together, drinks, a meal, a book club, a dance party, a game, a concert. Make the effort to do good things together. 

Friendship takes consistency, regularity. You need to make it habitual. And the closest family and friends, we should be spending time with at least once a week!

Finally, friendship takes unconditional acceptance of the other person who is comprised of both perfections and imperfections. Because, guess what, so are we. 

So be a little more thick-skinned and not so easily offendable, because if you’re waiting to find the perfect person, you’re going to be waiting a long time alone.

Entertainment takes nothing from you, but friendship is such a great good that it will require something of you. Still, the reward is infinitely greater than any entertainment. A friend is one of the greatest treasures you can acquire. 

Five

So, if you want the good of friendship and family, then what are you going to do about it? 

I can tell you what I’ve decided to do. 

I chose the people I want in my life, and they happen to be the people that God chose to put in my life. Then, I invite them once a week, every week, to do something good together. And I do it with those who show up, never making a scene with those who don’t. And I practice patience and perseverance. Because this is a long game. 

And finally, I make it a point to get together once a month, individually, with those whom I want to be friends, that I might know, understand, love, and care for them.