Sorrow
one
One of the most powerful of all feelings is actually sorrow or suffering
Of all the motivators, the most fundamental are joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain. Every other feeling or passion is an expression of that more basic prompt to avoid what causes suffering, and to pursue what causes joy.
And one of the greatest mistakes of our civilization is to believe that sorrow is an unmitigated evil – one to be eradicated at all costs.
But it isn’t. It’s a basic, meaningful part of human existence. And it was suffering that saved us – the suffering of the Suffering Servant.
If we worship a crucified God – if we honor the Christ-Messiah who liberated us by His agonizing torture. Then we can’t act as though suffering is the enemy. Suffering, quite the contrary, was given to us to be our ally in striving for ultimate happiness and fulfillment.
two
Not evil – a response to evil
Suffering itself isn’t evil – it’s a response to evil. And it’s actually the right response.
When we encounter something bad, it’s good to experience revulsion for that bad thing. For instance, there are some people who can’t feel physical pain – and they have a hard time because of it.
They’re always in danger of damaging their bodies horribly, because they don’t have that impulse to pull their hands away from the fire, or not jump from too high, or whatever.
The same goes for more psychological modes of suffering. Someone who doesn’t feel the sorrow of guilt after having been really nasty to a spouse or someone who doesn’t feel the compassionate sadness when seeing the sickness of an innocent child. These people would be sociopaths – their lack of suffering would make them worse, not better.
Evil is evil – but recognizing something as evil, and responding to it with a bad feeling – that’s not evil, that’s just basic, functioning, healthy humanity. We don’t want to get rid of that. We don’t want to get rid of pain and sorrow. We want to use it to overcome the evil – whether a physical misfortune or a moral disorder – that it’s responding to.
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Suffering prompts us to correct something wrong
Suffering not only alerts us to the fact that something is wrong somewhere. It also prompts us to do something about it.
The ache in your tooth doesn’t just tell you there’s a problem – it prompts you to go see a dentist before it gets worse. And it would be a pretty poor dentist who refused to look in your mouth – instead he just offered to give you painkillers. You’d want to say, “Hold on – this pain didn’t come from nowhere, I think there might be a problem. Why don’t we try to address that?”
Again, the pain isn’t the problem – it’s the problem that’s the problem. The pain is a prompt. The pain is alerting you to the problem and motivating you to fix it.
The same goes for spiritual, mental suffering.
If we just try to paper over our sorrow, or ignore it, or medicate it away – we might be missing an opportunity to recognize that there’s something wrong somewhere, and that we should be working to correct it.
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Opportunity to assess and heal
All suffering is an opportunity to assess and heal – like a toothache. You want the dentist to assess the problem, and heal the problem – not just drug away the pain.
our sorrows – whether big or small – give us an opportunity to reassess.
So, what’s the problem? Is there some dysfunctional thinking in my life? Have I forgotten the truths that matter, or am I focusing on the wrong thing? Is there some dysfunctional behavior? Are my sins or vices or unhealthy patterns of coping (or whatever you want to call it) making me unhappy? Or is the problem that I was made for God and God isn’t here – and my recurrent dissatisfaction appropriately reminds me of that, and makes me yearn for the time when I can be with the Lord?
These are all real problems, and there’s no sense in ignoring them. But suffering also gives us the motivation to try to address those problems. To discipline ourselves in thinking rightly, in being grateful, in considering those truths that matter and those truths which impart joy. To restructure our lives so that we live more virtuously, and therefore more happily. And to prioritize the goal of Heaven – which is the only time when all evil, and therefore all sorrow, will actually be washed away.
Again, sorrow isn’t the problem. Sorrow is the mechanism God has given us to recognize the problem, and recognize the solution.
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Opportunity to join in Christ’s saving suffering
Most importantly of all, we have been given an opportunity to join our sufferings with Christ’s.
Suffering, as we’ve said, is caused by evil – but Christ on His Cross has made suffering the privileged way of fighting evil, and of bringing people out of the darkness of sin. And He invites us to take up our crosses with Him. St. Paul goes further, and invites us to “make up what is lacking in the sufferings of Christ.” This is where that old Catholic notion of “offering it up” comes from. It means that we can take our suffering – physical or mental, voluntary or involuntary – and unite it with Christ’s. And God’s amazing power, which took Jesus’ sufferings and used it to save souls, will do the same thing with your sufferings. He will use it as a means of sanctifying not only you, but other people who need His grace.
So never think of sorrow as something bad, or meaningless, or pointless.
It’s one of our strongest weapons for fighting evil, whether at the physical, moral, or even supernatural levels. Let’s make sure when sorrow comes, that that’s how we use it.