Sin and the Presence of Christ

One

When it feels like God is absent

Right after Jesus fed the five thousand with a few loaves and fishes, he told the Apostles to get in the boat and go ahead of Him to the other side while He dismissed the crowds and then He went up into the hills to pray.

Now the disciples did not know where Jesus went, all they knew was that they were rowing hard while they were being beaten by the wind. Actually, from where Jesus was praying up on the hill, He could see them the whole time. He was watching them the whole time.

We know that God sees everything. We know that the Lord is always watching. But sometimes, it just feels like He isn’t there. And those are the times when we sin.

Adam and Eve used to walk with God in the Garden. They used to know His presence palpably. But not always. And it was during one of those times when God wasn’t walking with them that they listened to the serpent.

So too, Moses dwelt among the Israelites, and spoke with God and worked God’s wonders for all to see. But it was when Moses left their presence, to be up alone with God on the mountain-top, then, when God felt far and remote, that the Israelites built their golden calf.

God is always present. God always sees us. But He allows us to feel as though He doesn’t so that we can be free to choose. And it’s in those times when we’re most likely to choose wrongly.

Two

When it feels like Jesus isn’t Watching

When God walked among us, when He traveled about this place with His friends, even then, they behaved badly when they thought He wasn’t paying attention.

Judas betrayed Jesus when Jesus was out of sight. The apostles argued about which was the greatest among them when Jesus was out of earshot. Peter, James, and John didn’t fall asleep in the garden until Jesus was a stone’s throw away. And Peter denied Jesus three times when he thought Jesus wasn’t paying attention. 

But when the Lord turned to look at Him, when Peter saw that Jesus knew everything, then poor Peter couldn’t believe what he himself had just done. 

Three

What we know, and what we feel

Even when we remember the truth, even when we know what we’re doing is wrong, we somehow can’t feel like it matters in the moment.

Peter knew he was lying when he denied knowing Christ. Adam and Eve knew God had said not to eat the forbidden fruit. The Israelites knew that the God who had brought them out of Egypt wasn’t that stupid golden statue of a calf. 

And we know gossip is ugly. We know lust is shameful. We know workaholism and anxiety about money and status and stuff is just going to make us miserable. But in the moment, all we can feel is how badly we want to say something, or see something, or get something done. And so we fall. And afterwards we see Christ looking at us. And we can’t imagine how we could have done something so vile and so irrational. And Peter wept bitterly. Because how could he have done it? How could we?

Four

Christ’s Presence After Sin

We only sin when we don’t feel God’s presence. And so the first thing to do after we’ve sinned is rush to God’s presence, just like Peter after the resurrection jumped out of the boat and rushed to the Risen Lord standing on the shore. The way Peter looked Him in the face and said, “I love you, I love you, you know I love you.”

We have to rush to God’s presence, especially His forgiving presence in the confessional. We say, “I know it was wrong. It was stupid. It was hurtful. I’m sorry. Please help me not to do that again.”

And the Lord will forgive us as He forgave Peter at that campfire two thousand years ago. 

Five

Practicing the Presence of Jesus

But we want to try to avoid sinning in the future too. And that means, somehow, keeping Jesus’ presence before our mind and our feelings always. Because the same temptations will come back. And those temptations will try to push Christ to the back of our consciousness.

So, when temptation arises, one of the best things to do is simply to call on the name of Jesus. For as the Catechism says, to call on His Name is to make Him more present.

“Jesus, help me. Jesus, don’t let me say that, or write that, or think that, or do that, or click on that. Jesus, please stop me. Jesus, I know you’re here. Jesus, please help me.”

When we feel Jesus is gone, then we are the prey of sin. But when Jesus comes, when He’s beside us and we know it, then sin becomes unthinkable. And so, dear Jesus, never let us forget you again. Then will we be pure, and good, and brave and holy as You are, Lord.