Resentment
one
Resentment
Yesterday we meditated on the three powers of the soul and the Good News that we are not stuck with self-destructive feelings that lead to sin, with Jesus living in us we can change our feelings
“But” you may think, “what about when someone has really hurt you?”
What are we really seeking by asking this question? Do we want permission to keep resenting the person who hurt you? Permission not to forgive, not to love?
One of the most self-destructive feelings is resentment.
Resentments toward a spouse, a parent, your boss or co-worker; some person, or institution or principles with whom we feel hurt and we are angry.
In most cases it was our self-worth, or our finances or ambition or personal relationships (including sex) that were hurt or threatened. And so, we are resentful.
Resentment is the feeling of unhappiness, anger and hurt at having been wronged and we are unable to let it go and forgive.
This is deadly because unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person gets sick.
two
With Jesus we can forgive, we can love, and we can change the feeling of resentment.
The first step is to resist the strong feeling of resentment – don’t give into it, don’t act upon it. That is the first step to changing it.
Replace the strong feeling of resentment with a choice and an action – the action to forgive.
You are not an animal. You are a free, beautiful and powerful human being made in the image of God. Jesus lives in you. You can make a choice to forgive even when it goes against extremely strong feelings.
Say to God “I forgive so and so.”
If you can’t do it then do what Jesus did, turn to God the Father and say: “Father, forgive them, for they did not know what they were doing.”
By giving forgiveness you will eventually start to feel forgiveness.
three
We need mental images encourage forgiveness
If a terminally ill friend offended us we would say to ourselves, “Poor soul, look how they suffer. It’s no surprise they act this way. How can I be helpful to them. God save me from being angry with them.”
Ok, well, the person who hurt your, the person you resent is spiritually sick. In fact, we are all spiritually sick and we act unjustly toward one another, often without even realizing it.
That person is just like you: hurt, confused and afraid. The only difference between you and them is that they probably don’t resent you.
We must ask God to help us show the same tolerance, mercy and patience that we would cheerfully give a physically sick friend.
Imagine this person might end in hell, alone and abandoned. Do you want that. Or do you wan to prevent it. Pray for them, forgive them, be Christ to them and not Satan. Make the choice which one you will be.
four
We need mental Images that discourage unforgiveness
Think of the parable of the unforgiving servant. Remember – he was the guy who owed the King an astronomical amount he could never pay back, but in his mercy the King forgave him. Then that dude went out and wouldn’t forgive his fellow servant a tiny amount. Remember what the King said to the unforgiving servant: “’You wicked servant,’ he said ‘I cancelled all that debt of yours when you appealed to me. Were you not bound, then, to have pity on your fellow servant just as I had pity on you?’ And in his anger the master handed him over to the torturers till he should pay all his debt. And that is how my heavenly Father will deal with you unless you each forgive your brother from your heart.'”
Recall that in the Sermon on the Mount Jesus said: The measure you give will be the measure you get back.
So imagine Jesus saying to you: “Listen, you have really hurt me; so I don’t think I can forgive you or love you or let you back into my life.”
Because that is what we say to others through our resentment and unforgiveness.
five
In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus teaches us: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who treat you badly…
“But I don’t have any enemies” you say, “No one is trying to kill me. I just have people in my life that are annoying or people who have hurt me or don’t hold up their end of the bargain and its not fair. I don’t have enemies, just people close to me I resent.”
The problem is not these people. The problem is our expectation. We expect them to act a certain way. So, lower the expectation - Think of them as your enemies.
As enemies, they’re not really that bad. I really doubt any of them are trying to kill you. Or if they are trying to kill you, I suppose they’re really not that good at it.
So can you love them as an enemy? Well, yeah, for an enemy they’re pretty easy to deal with. And be grateful God hasn’t given you real vicious enemies.
So the solution to resentment is four steps:
I. Surrender to God the feelings of resentment you are powerless to change on your own;
II. Then make the choice to forgive. Forgiveness is an action not a feeling. You can do it even when you don’t feel like it.
III. Then be grateful for the almost endless blessing you have. Jesus thank you for my life, for the sun, the rain, the food in my fridge, my home, on and on…
IV. Lastly, get busy and do some good for the world and other people.
Surrender, Forgiveness, Gratitude and Service conquer Resentment.