Overcoming Our Anxiety
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Five times in the Sermon on the Mount Jesus commands us not to worry. He tells us “Do not be anxious – have no anxiety.” But we do.
Now, if you suffer from chronic anxiety, you’re not alone and we all need help from others. So don’t be afraid or ashamed to seek help from someone with experience in this area. It could be a therapist or a priest or a spiritual director.
This topic is so prevalent that I sought out one of the top professionals in the country in this field. He has dealt with tens of thousands of people who struggle with chronic anxiety. And he said that, first, we need to understand anxiety and we need a practical strategy that offers a way out.
Everyone has experienced the feeling we get before a really big important event, pre-game jitters or performance anxiety. Our brain is putting our body on high alert so we will perform at our best. Your brain and your body are doing what they were designed to do.
Anxiety is just our brain sending a message to mobilize all our resources for a big challenge. This is a very good thing.
But sometimes the brain sends a false alarm. Sometimes it sends the message to be on high alert at the wrong time and for no good reason. And sometimes that message of high alert can get stuck in the “on” position, when it should turn off.
It’s like the brain pulling the fire alarm when there is no fire. It’s a false alarm that wont turn off.
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There are three bad habits that put us on high alert, that lead to anxiety – three ways of pulling the fire alarm when there is no fire: worrying; putting unrealistic pressure on ourselves; and self-criticism.
A. We worry about all kinds of things.
a. We worry about future things that almost never happen? Mark Twain expressed it well, “I’ve suffered a great many misfortunes, most of which never happened.”
b. We worry about things over which we have no control.
God has given each one of us a very limited scope of authority or responsibility: Our own behavior; our family and kids; our workplace; and voting. We spend a lot of emotional energy worrying about things beyond our responsibility. That is God’s responsibility. Surrender to God what is his responsibility.
c. We worry about things we are procrastinating.
B. We put unrealistic pressure and expectations on ourselves.
a. We suffer from worry when we make the stakes way higher than they really are. We are wired to be alert to danger, especially danger that could kill us. So, in a sense we are wired to assume we will die if we mess up. We need to lower the stakes to match reality. Most likely, the thing we are worried about won’t kill us or anyone else. What is the worst-case scenario? If you can live with that, then you can live with anything else. It lowers the pressure.
C. Self-criticism leads to anxiety
a. We are too hard on ourselves. We think we have to be perfect to be accepted, loved and valuable and if we fail we will die.
b. We must fail to grow. We have the false idea that failure is bad, even deadly and this becomes a cause of anxiety. They only way we grow is to try things we haven’t mastered. This entails risk. If we play it safe all the time, with a caution that avoids all mistakes and failures – it will be impossible for us to grow. There is no failure – there is only learning.
c. We use self-critical and self-defeating phrases that lead to anxiety such as: I can’t; I am no good; I am unworthy.
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Fear is the fuel for Anxiety. Take away the fuel, take away the Fear and the anxiety will fade.
We’ve all seen this: a rambunctious child runs and falls. Immediately, there is that fraction of a second when the child looks up to see how you are going to respond. If you run over to him, worried, frantically asking if he’s okay, he’ll start crying...convinced that he is near death. If instead, you calmly laugh and say, “That was awesome – isn’t running great!” He’s right back up and running before you even finish your sentence. Because you have just reassured him – he is safe.
If you give the signal there is danger, they will react with fear. If you give the signal everything is safe, they respond with peace.
The way you react to anxiety will either reinforce a sense of danger or a sense of safety.
If you react with fear to anxiety, you give fuel to your anxiety. Fear is the fuel for anxiety. Take away the fuel and the anxiety will fade.
If we can remove the fear then the high alert, the anxiety will fade.
Remove the fear and the anxiety will fade.
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How do we remove the fear so the anxiety will fade?
When we feel anxious, when the alarm bell is sounding, we must give our brain a message of safety.
Let’s go back to the false fire alarm. If a smoke alarm in my house goes off at 3am, my brain sends a message to my body of high alert.
If I discover it just needs a new battery, I can tell myself “There is no real danger. This is a false alarm.”
I might be annoyed, but not afraid and my state of high alert subsided.
If we remove the fear with reality, then the anxiety fades.
We remove the fear by grounding ourselves in reality and giving our brain a message of safety.
The ultimate message of safety is this: God is my Father, no matter what happens, with him I will be O.K.
The ultimate message of safety is to abandon oneself to divine providence.
No matter what, with God as my Father I am OK. I am safe.
This message of safety removes the fear and the anxiety fades.
This is the way we retrain the brain and get it out of the fear/anxiety cycle.
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Anxiety is just our brain sending a message to mobilize all our resources for a big challenge. This is a very good thing.
Sometimes, however, our brain sends a false alarm that causes anxiety and fear. Fear is the fuel. Take away the fuel and the anxiety fades. We can take away the fear and turn off the false alarm by ground ourselves in reality and giving ourselves a message of safety.
You are in the hands of God your Father. Nothing happen to you that won’t contribute to your greatest good. You are safe.
Resources:
The Way Out by Alan Gordon
Unwinding Anxiety by Jud Brewer
When Panic Attacks by David Burns
The Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal