Overcoming Anxiety

One

Five times in the Sermon on the Mount Jesus commands us not to worry. He tells us, “Do not be anxious – have no anxiety.” But we do. 

We need to understand anxiety and we need a practical strategy that offers a way out.

Everyone has experienced the feeling we get before a really big important event, pre-game jitters or performance anxiety. Our brain is putting our body on high alert so we will perform at our best. Your brain and your body are doing what they were designed to do. 

Anxiety is just our brain sending a message to mobilize all our resources for a big challenge. This is a very good thing.

But sometimes the brain sends a false alarm. Sometimes it sends the message to be on high alert at the wrong time and for no good reason. And sometimes that message of high alert can get stuck in the “on” position when it should turn off. 

It’s like the brain pulling the fire alarm when there is no fire. It’s a false alarm that won’t turn off. 

Two 

There are some bad habits that lead to anxiety and ways of pulling the fire alarm when there is no fire.

The first is worry. Worry is not an act of love or responsibility. Worry is a vice. It’s destructive. 

We worry about the past we can’t change. We worry about future things that almost never happen. Mark Twain expressed it well, “I’ve suffered a great many misfortunes, most of which never happened.” 

We worry about things over which we have no control. 

God has given each one of us a very limited scope of authority or responsibility. We are responsible for our own behavior, our family and kids, our workplace, and voting. We spend a lot of emotional energy worrying about things beyond our responsibility. That is God’s responsibility. Take care of your responsibility and surrender to God what is his responsibility.  

We worry about things we are procrastinating. Instead, think, make decisions, and take action. Procrastination is self-destructive.

What do you worry about?

Three

Unrealistic pressure 

Another bad habit is putting unrealistic pressure and expectations on ourselves. 

We suffer from worry when we make the stakes way higher than they really are. We are wired to be alert to danger, especially danger that could kill us. So, in a sense, we are wired to assume we will die if we mess up. We need to lower the stakes to match reality. Most likely, the thing we are worried about won’t kill us or anyone else. What is the worst-case scenario? If you can live with that, then you can live with anything else. It lowers the pressure.  

Another bad habit is thinking we have to be perfect to be accepted, loved, and valuable. And if we fail, we will die. 

We have the false idea that failure is bad, even deadly, and this becomes a cause of anxiety. But we must fail to grow. The only way we grow is to try things we haven’t mastered. This entails risk. If we play it safe all the time, with a caution that avoids all mistakes and failures, it will be impossible for us to grow. There is no such thing as failure, there is only learning. 

Finally, self-criticism leads to anxiety. We use self-critical and self-defeating phrases that lead to anxiety such as I can’t, I am no good, and I am unworthy.

Four

Fear is the fuel for anxiety. Take away the fuel, take away the fear, and the anxiety will fade.

We’ve all seen this: a rambunctious child runs and falls. Immediately, there is that fraction of a second when the child looks up to see how you are going to respond. If you run over to him, worried, frantically asking if he’s okay, he’ll start crying...convinced that he is near death. If instead, you calmly laugh and say, “That was awesome – isn’t running great!” He’s right back up and running before you even finish your sentence. Because you have just reassured him that he is safe.

It's the same with us. If you tell yourself there is danger, you will react with fear. If you tell yourself everything is safe, you respond with peace. The way you react to the feeling of worry and anxiety will either reinforce a sense of danger or a sense of safety. 

Remember, fear is the fuel for anxiety. Take away the fuel and the anxiety or worry will fade. 

We overcome the worry with a message of safety and then we gain evidence that there is no real danger which reinforces the truth – we are safe. 

Five

So, how do we remove the fear so the anxiety will fade?

When we feel anxious, when the alarm bell is sounding, we must give our brain a message of safety.

Let’s go back to the false fire alarm. If a smoke alarm in my house goes off at 3 a.m., my brain sends a message to my body of high alert. If I discover it just needs a new battery, I can tell myself, “There is no real danger. This is a false alarm.” I might be annoyed, but not afraid and my state of high alert subsides. 

If we remove the fear by grounding ourselves in reality and telling ourselves we are safe, then the anxiety fades.

The ultimate reason we are safe is this: God is my Father. No matter what happens, with him I will be okay because God works all things for good for those who love him. 

We worry, “What if I fail this test or this job? What if my health does not improve? What if my child does not get better? What if this relationship doesn’t work out?”

Change this question to this, “Even if I fail this test or job, even if my health does not improve, even if my child is not healed or this relationship falls apart…No matter what happens, with God as my Father everything will be okay. I am safe!”

Resources:

The Way Out by Alan Gordon

Unwinding Anxiety by Jud Brewer

When Panic Attacks by David Burns

The Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal