Numbers and Self Worth
One
Quantitative Measurements
Human beings are creatures with bodies. That means we form part of the physical universe, a universe that is extended out in space and time.
The physical universe is a profoundly measurable universe. We measure things according to size, according to quantity, and according to speed.
That’s appropriate. God has expressed his intelligence in the physical world through numbers.
The Book of Wisdom, chapter 11, says that God arranged everything in the world “according to measure, number and weight.”
In business, research, sports, really in every field, metrics are important. They provide quantifiable data that can measure performance, progress, and outcomes. Metrics are helpful in decision making, they hold us accountable, track progress, help us with goal setting, resource allocation, motivation and continuous improvement.
So it’s part of the beauty of the physical world that it can be so precisely measured. But it’s part of the beauty and mystery of the human soul that it can’t be.
We cannot measure the value of a soul, the worth of a person by numbers or metrics.
Two
Trying to Measure Immaterial Realities
Our ability to accurately measure the material world has given us enormous control over the powers of nature. Now, people want to achieve the same control over the human person. They have decided to constantly measure people.
In Capitalist countries, that means that businesses are constantly tracking your purchases, your income, your texts, your posts, your emails, your browsing history, and how many likes you get, and they put it all into an algorithm.
Why? So they can get you to buy their stuff.
In Communist countries, especially China, the government is using the same technology to constantly measure all the same stuff. Why? So they can control their people: so they can pressure them to conform and prevent them from getting out of line politically.
And there’s something inside us that rebels against this kind of measurement. It rebels against this kind of control.
Because we know that what makes us free and unique, and personal is our soul – which is something businesses and governments don’t care about.
But it’s the most important thing about us that there is.
Three
Trying to Achieve “Measurable” Self-Worth
Not only do outside agents try to constantly measure us but we are also constantly trying to measure ourselves.
We want a concrete number, something definite, that tells us how valuable we are. So we try to measure our own souls and our own value, and we put a number on it.
We measure our intelligence with IQ tests, or with Composite Grade-Scores. Just think about how ludicrously precise a GPA looks: it’s a decimal number, for crying out loud. Do you think you can measure the capacity for truth in a Child of God with a decimal number?
We try to measure our contribution to society with the number of people who know who we are. With popularity, with the number of people who know our names, or the number of people who follow our tweets. But you can’t measure the impact you make on the human family with a number.
We try to measure our own excellence, how much we matter, and how successful we are by our money. But, of course, money doesn’t express our value. You can’t put a number on that.
The only objective way to know your true value is to say the Lord’s Prayer, the Our Father very slowly, “Our Father, who art in Heaven…”
God is my Father. By grace I have become, I am a son of God. That is my identity and value.
The only way to measure your value is to look at a crucifix and remember that that happened for you.
Four
Resisting Self-Quantification: Intimacy
Numbers cannot capture your worth. No spreadsheet, no algorithm, no bank account statement, will ever reassure you that you are good or important or worthwhile. And the people who look for their identity or self-worth in numbers, in test scores, or income bracket, or popularity, those people are constantly depressed. Because there will always be someone out there in the world who scored higher. Because they know that those numbers don’t reflect who they really are.
But do you know where the truth about who you are can come to light? Do you know where your unique personality and the goodness inside you can emerge? Only in intimacy.
Numbers and measurement is how we discover the truth about the physical world. But intimacy is where we discover the truth about the soul.
It’s your family, the people you live with, they will show you who you are, for better and for worse.
It’s your close friends – the people you talk to but don’t try to impress. They’ll show you the areas where you’re weak and where you’re strong. Your family and your friends won’t fill out a survey. They won’t give you a statistical review, but they will show you that you do have value and goodness and that you do make a contribution to the world. They’ll also show you where you fail.
The most important intimacy, the place where we truly come to know what’s in our soul, is the intimacy with God that can only come from prayer.
Five
Prayer and Who You Are
Numbers don’t reach deep inside us. Numbers are objective and impersonal, but our soul is a personal subject so the disparity between the two is obvious.
To know ourselves, we have to be on intimate terms with someone, which means we have to know someone who knows us. But the person who knows us the best is God, so the only way to know ourselves is to be on intimate terms with Him.
Prayer is the Only Way we can free ourselves from the tyranny of the measurable.
When we know God, we know that whatever the test scores say, we are capable of knowing supreme truth: because we know Him. When we know God, we know that whatever our online impact is, we make a supreme difference, because we make a difference to Him. When we know God, we know that whatever our bank account says, we are supremely rich: because we have Him.
This is the path to knowing ourselves – the path of knowing the God who knows us perfectly, and who offers us that intimacy which is the only path to understanding who we really are.