Loving Neighbor as Oneself

One

The tenth commandment and the love of neighbor

The last of the Ten Commandments forbids coveting your neighbor’s goods. In other words, the last of the great commandments of the Old Testament forbids envy, where you wish you had something instead of your neighbor.

Envy is the vice that sees life as a zero-sum game: any win for your neighbor is a loss for you.

In the New Testament, Jesus gives us the positive side of this commandment: instead of condemning envy, He says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” In other words, instead of treating your neighbor’s win as a loss for you, treat your neighbor’s win as a win for you too.

But the way Jesus frames this general commandment, “Love your neighbor as yourself” prompts us to ask, “How do we love ourselves?” Because reflecting on how we love ourselves will presumably give us some insight on how the Lord wants us to treat other people.

Two

You Always Think You’re Interesting

Probably the most basic feature of our love for ourselves is that we always think we’re interesting. We’re never indifferent to what is going on in our life. Whenever somebody starts to talk about us, we always pay close attention. If there’s a group picture, and we’re in it, we always look to find our own face. We tend to think our opinions about things are thoughtful and worthwhile, and more people would be better off if they took them to heart.

So here’s the first way to love your neighbor: treat everyone else as interesting. Don’t be indifferent to the other person’s life, ask about it. When he or she talks about themselves, pay close attention. Whatever they’re opinions or life stories are, remember that these are the opinions and stories of an image of God, who is just as intrinsically important as you are.

One of the best ways to show that you love your neighbor as yourself is this – don’t interrupt your neighbor when he or she is saying something, since that implies you have something more interesting to say than the other person does.

And if you have a hard time feeling interested in the other person, fake it!

That’s step one to loving your neighbor as yourself.

Three

You want the best for you

You are always hoping for good things to happen for you. You want to be healthy in mind and body, you want friends, you hope for success in your projects. You want your kids to be well-adjusted and happy.

If you’re a true disciple of Jesus, then what you really want is to be virtuous and close to the Lord, and to serve God by building up His Church. And, when you receive good things from God’s hands, you’re really grateful.

Okay, so this is the second way to love your neighbor.

Hope for their accomplishments and their peace and their health. Hope that their children thrive, that their kids are able to launch successfully in this scary, complicated world.

More importantly, hope for their holiness, for their closeness to Christ. Hope that the Lord raises them up as effective instruments for the conversion and salvation of many, many souls. Pray that God grant them these things. And when He does, don’t forget to say Thank You to God for the good things He has given your neighbor. 

This is the second great practice, pray for God’s blessings on others, and then thank Him when He grants them those blessings.

Four

You’re displeased about your misfortunes

To love means to want some good. If we love ourselves, it means we want some good for ourselves. But it also means that we are displeased when instead of goodness, we encounter misfortune. And we are all very, very sympathetic with ourselves. When something bad happens to us, we feel it, and lament it – usually too much. More importantly, when something bad happens to us, we see if there’s something we can do to improve the situation.

Here again, the application to love of neighbor is obvious. Be displeased when something bad happens to someone else. Be sorry for it. Root out any pleasure at hearing about someone else’s misfortune. Pray for them and see if there is anything you can do for them, any small act of kindness or help you can do to make it better.

Five

You hate and are ashamed about your sins

C.S. Lewis wrote once that at first it seemed impossible for him to follow the Christian rule of “loving the sinner and hating the sin.”

But then he realized that’s what he’d been doing towards himself his whole life. He loved himself, which was precisely why he despised his own weaknesses and vices so much. “Just because I loved myself,” he writes, “I was sorry to find I was the sort of man who did those things.”

More than that, we are ashamed of our own sins, which means we’d get absolutely no pleasure from broadcasting them in public. And, if we’re Christians, we pray to God for help curing us of our faults, and to give us mercy, and we strategize about how we can avoid sinning in the future.

Here’s the final way God wants us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves: To hate his sin because we love him. To never stop thinking well of the other person, whatever faults he has. To be aghast at the idea of the other person’s faults being made public knowledge. To beg God for mercy on the sinner, and for help in overcoming his vices. And finally, whenever possible, to offer whatever advice or support we can for helping somebody do better in the future.

All these things we would do for ourselves. All these things God wants us to do for our neighbor. That’s how we replace envy with love. That’s how we treat others as we would be treated. That’s how we love our neighbors as ourselves.