Jesus Through Friendship

one

I have a little dog named Louie. So long as he has food, shelter, walks, physical health, and maybe some belly rubs, Louie is completely happy. There is nothing I can do to improve his life. The same is true for most pets, and those of you who have them, probably agree. When your pet has health of body, they are happy, whether they are a dog, cat, fish, horse or tarantula. But humans are strange. Like dogs, we have need for physical things to survive; but in order to be truly happy and alive, we need things that are not physical.  Balance, meaningful work, purpose, beauty, and most of all, friendship with both God and others. In Genesis, we read that God created Man and Woman in His image and likeness. He created us to be like Himself. It is true that our knowledge and self-awareness is a way we are like God, a way we are distinct from the animals, but Satan also has knowledge and self-awareness. We become the image of God most perfectly by receiving and giving love. Animals are made for survival, Humans are made for love. God created us with a gulf in our hearts that we can not fill ourselves. Now, this gulf is ultimately only filled by God, but God does not fill it alone. He acts through other humans, our parents, priests, friends, and random people off the street. Like it or not, you were made to be in community. We share with each other joys and sorrows, victories and failures; humans lives are meant to be communal. When my friends do well, I rejoice with them; when my children suffer, I suffer with them. The greatest joys and sufferings are the ones we share. What parts of my life would I and others benefit if I shared it with them?

two

The mystery of human need for community is not a recent discovery, nor is it explicitly a Christian one. Aristotle, a pagan philosopher, said “Man is by nature a social animal… Anyone who cannot lead the common life … and therefore does not partake of society, is a ghost or a beast.” Aristotle too sees that society is in our DNA. God could have created humans differently. He could have given us complete self-sufficiency and independent happiness.  But He did not. Out of all the animals on the world, Humans need the most to be fulfilled. This is not a defect, but a gift: God creates us that way—social. We are better off needing others. We need personal relationships based on love to be happy. We need friendship. He created our hearts to be restless until they rest in friendship, ultimately friendship with and in Him. But our culture has lost sight of this. Friendship has become synonymous with someone who makes me feel good. And in the end, our society says, ‘It’s totally fine to go it alone, be independent, you don’t need anyone.’ But the effects of this belief are catastrophic.  Americans are forgetting what it is to live in a society, to be human. No amount of physical fitness, “Self Help” or self reliance can adequately replace our need for true friendship. We are not made for loneliness and isolation. We were not created for comfort, but for love with, from, and for others. Especially with Jesus!

three

We talk a lot about friendship in our rosary podcasts. But what does it really mean be friends with another person? Is it really that important? Friendship, at its core, is willing the good of the other for their sake, and rejoicing while you do. The definition of Love is essentially the same. C.S. Lewis says “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). Friendship has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” We are created in the image of a God who is Love. Friendship is just a particular instance of us committing to love another person and taking delight in it. But how do we grow in friendship with others? If you are like me, I can talk about sports or movies all day, but sometimes I don’t move past those conversations . An ancient Greek proverb says "To be a friend to someone you must eat a sack of salt together." I do not advise doing this in one sitting, but the idea is that you are not truly friends until you have shared enough meals together that you have depleted your sack of salt. Sharing a meal has always been a sign of intimacy and friendship. After all, God shows us His friendship by sharing in the meal of the Eucharist. If you want to become better friends with God, make a commitment to go share a meal with Him at daily mass. If you want to become better friends with someone, have them over for a meal. Its what you were made to do. Who can you invite?

four

Just as there are many levels of love, there are many levels of friendship. We are called to be gracious and friendly to all we meet. But we cannot be friends with everyone. The greatest form of friendship is friendship that embraces every level of our lives, from favorite flavors all the way to ultimate beliefs in the meaning of our lives. This all encompassing friendship is a friendship of two or more persons who together pursue good things, and ultimately walk together towards the best thing: Jesus. And Jesus should be our model in going from basic forms of friendship all the way to this best form of friendship. In the Gospel of John, we read that Jesus’s first question to his first disciples is not “accept me as God” or “stop your sinning” or even “Come pray the rosary with me.” Those came later. His first question was “What are you looking for?” Friendship begins with an invitation. And Jesus’s disciples didn’t know how to answer this question, but Jesus is not deterred. They ask him “Where are you staying” and Jesus replies “come and see”. Jesus invites the disciples to come see where he lives, to come share life. Friendship begins with invitation, good questions, and sharing life. This is the movement.

five

I the ancient understand of friendship, you can only be friends with those in the same or similar social status as yourself. Servants could only be friends with other servants, nobles could only be friends with other nobles, and kings could only be friends with other kings. Friendship could only exist among equals. But Jesus shows us a new order to friendship. “No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends” (John 15:15) Jesus is not equals with us, but he calls us friends, and reveals that friendship can exist when neither are equal. Society has changed so that the social strata are not as fixed. But a fact remains, we are not all equal in our talents and virtues. I have many great friendships with people way smarter and holier than me, but we are still friends. There are many people further along in their Faith than you, and you are further along in your faith than others. But friendship can still exist. Let’s not get caught up in who is further than who, that is not the point. The point is this: friendship has the incredible ability to make real love and growth possible, and it is God’s favorite way to share his love with us, because it is what He made us for. Practice better friendship. Become better friends with others. Become better friends with God. Invite others to share life, especially food. You were made for friendship. Come enjoy what you were made for.