Imposter Syndrome
One
Why do we doubt God?
This morning as I sat down for meditation, the Lord said to me, “Good morning Michael, nice to see you. Why are you so sad?”
So I complained about a number of things I was working on, all of which were more difficult than I hoped they would be. Then he asked, “What do you want?” and I blurted out, “I want a guarantee that everything will turn out well and I will be provided for!”
To which he responded, “Well, how have I done so far? For 55 years I have given you life, amazing adoptive parents, good health, an education and opportunity, you have always had more than enough to live on, you have always had a roof over your head, a car, and I have even provided very generous people who made it possible for you to go on vacation…”
The Lord reminded me of extravagant ways he has provided for me for many minutes…Then he asked me, “Michael, why are you afraid I will suddenly stop?”
Then I said honestly, “Lord, maybe I fear that you take care of me because you think I’m a good man. And I am afraid one day you will realize I am a fraud, and the gig will be up. You’ll realize that I don’t deserve your care and you’ll cut me off.”
I realized then that I doubt God because I feel like an impostor!
Two
Impostor Syndrome
Generally speaking, “impostor syndrome” is a state of our soul where we doubt our accomplishments and suffer from a persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud.” Despite evident success or competence, people experiencing impostor syndrome believe they do not deserve their success and attribute it to luck or having deceived others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be.
Impostor Syndrome can affect almost anyone, across a wide variety of states in life, professions, and levels of success. It often leads to feelings of anxiety, stress, and a lack of self-worth and confidence. It often comes from placing totally unrealistic expectations upon oneself.
In a culture driven by competition and the need to separate yourself from the pack to be valued, it is easy to fall into a perfectionism that makes us feel like we are never good enough which leads to feelings of being an impostor. (side note, it’s only the animals that get separated from the pack that get picked off by the predator, keep that in mind)
In simple terms, we think we’re frauds, not the real deal, not valid.
The word valid comes from its root – to be strong. And because we don’t feel solid internally, we look for external validation, “If I make the team, or get invited to prom or get into this college, or find the right guy to marry, or build this profession or company, or my kids are healthy and successful, or I write that book, or make enough to retire…then there will be enough concrete proof that I am not an impostor, then the world will know I am solid! They’ll know I am the real deal!”
Three
Worldly vs Other-Worldly Validation
Trying to prove we are not impostors by seeking our validation from things in this world just doesn’t work. We need to know we are real, we are good, we have value. But External things can’t give us that.
That’s when the Lord says, “How about this Michael, your validation can’t come from the world, it can only come from Me. I created you in my image with intelligence and freedom. I endowed you with all kinds of gifts. I will give you everything you need and I will never fail you. If that was not enough, I came and proved it. I came and died for you. On top of all of that, I placed my divine life in your soul. Now you have the life of God in you and your place in Heaven is reserved. Oh, and on top of that, I sent my own Mother to help you. You’re solid. I made you so.”
Four
Zacchaeus
Remember the story of Jesus and Zacchaeus? He felt like an Impostor.
Jesus entered Jericho and was going through the town when a man whose name was Zacchaeus made his appearance. He was one of the senior tax collectors and a wealthy man. He was anxious to see what kind of man Jesus was, but he could not see him for the crowd he was large and he was short in stature.
Why was Zacchaeus a tax collector? No one knows. I think he did it to validate his life by wealth, then he could prove he was worth something. But I don’t think he cared about the money itself, he just felt like an impostor and needed a way to feel solid.
So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore tree to catch a glimpse of Jesus who was to pass that way. When Jesus reached the spot he looked up and spoke to him, “Zacchaeus, come down. Hurry, because I must stay at your house today.” And he hurried down and welcomed him joyfully.
Then Zacchaeus said, “Lord, I am going to give half my property to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody I will pay him back four times the amount.”
Would you look at that? Jesus came to his house and he was immediately ready to give up the cash. Why? Because he just got the personal validation he was seeking. Jesus came to his house. Jesus came to him and said, “I love you. You are the real deal. You are solid. I made you that way!”
Five
The Lord has come to our house, the house of our soul.
At the Last Supper Jesus promised that the Father and He and the Holy Spirit would come and make their home in us. And they have. Jesus came to the physical home of Zacchaeus and that was enough for him. Well, God has come into the home of your soul. He lives in you. You are not a ghost, you are not a fraud. You don’t need any external thing to prove you’re valid. God values you so much that He lives in you. You don’t have to make the team or get the guy or kill it in business or write the book to prove you are the real deal. God made you solid.
Now, based on that truth, go make the team, get the guy, kill it in business, and write the book – because you are the real deal. Just don’t forget it!