Hoping for Others

One

What does it mean to hope for others?

Hope is the virtue in which we realize that our only true happiness is to be found in Jesus and Heaven. And so, naturally, hope prompts us to pursue a deep friendship with Jesus and Heaven as the only thing that can ultimately satisfy us.

Now when you love someone else, it means you think of them as another self so that what makes them happy makes you happy. In other words, love makes you long for the happiness of another as you long for your own.

So if we have hope, and if we love our neighbor, we’ll not only commit ourselves to pursuing heaven for ourselves, we’ll be dedicated to doing what we can to help our friends, our kids, our families, and even our enemies get there too. That’s what happens when you combine hope and love. 

Two

The danger of despairing for others

We discussed in an earlier meditation the danger of being presumptuous about other people’s salvation, just assuming they’ll be okay instead of intentionally working for their salvation while they’re alive and praying for them after they’ve died. But there’s also the danger of despairing for others, writing people off, giving up on them. So many spouses and parents, after a while, just lose the hope, the energy, to keep praying for their husband or wife, or their kids, sacrificing for them, asking God to have mercy on them.

St. Rita of Cascia reminds us to persevere! Rita was married at a young age to a man named Paolo Mancini, who was known for his violent temper and immoral behavior. Despite the difficulties and dangers posed by her marriage, Rita never ceased to pray for her husband's conversion. Over the years, her persistent prayers and unwavering Christian example eventually led to a profound transformation in Paolo, who renounced his violent ways and became a better man.

Tragically, after her husband was murdered due to a family feud, Rita faced the challenge of her sons' desire for revenge. She prayed fervently that they would forgive and seek peace instead of retaliation. Miraculously, her prayers were answered when both sons fell ill and, during their sickness, turned away from their vengeful plans, seeking God's forgiveness before their deaths.

The virtue of hope doesn’t let us quit working towards our own salvation. And it doesn’t let us quit working for the salvation of those we love.

Three

So, what should we do when our spouse, our kids, or our friends are just not interested in Jesus or religion?

Let me suggest some practical things to do to help our loved ones into heaven. 

First, never give up on praying for others. Don’t let your spiritual endurance fail. Offer all your prayers, Rosaries, and Masses for your loved ones. The greatest thing you can do for the conversion of a loved one is to offer daily Mass for them. 

Second, prayer without sacrifice is weak, so offer sacrifice for their conversion. Begin each day with the Morning Offering so that all your prayers, work, joy, and suffering contribute to the conversion of your loved ones. Then renew it throughout the day by accepting and offering what you did not choose, do not like, and cannot change for them.

Jesus said to St. Faustyna, “My daughter, I want to instruct you on how you are to rescue souls through sacrifice and prayer. You will save more souls through prayer and suffering than will a missionary through his teachings and sermons alone.” Diary 1767

Third, belong entirely to Mary and let her lead you. See, I tend to confront a situation, to attack it, when I should wait and I wait when I should confront it. Instead, ask Our Lady of Good Counsel to lead you. She knows what they need. She can work things out when you can’t.

Therese the Little Flower oversaw a number of young sisters who expressed their surprise that so often she knew exactly what they needed. Therese replied, “Here is my secret. I never make remarks to you before I have invoked the Blessed Virgin. I ask her to inspire me with what will do you the most good. Often, I myself am astonished at the things I teach you. In telling you these things, I feel simply that I am not mistaken, and that Jesus speaks through me.”  

Four

Be Apostles of Friendship of Delight

Atheism often comes from being down on oneself, from feeling worthless, not knowing your true worth. But we can help the people in our lives see their true worth. We need to be Apostles who delight in them, finding all kinds of ways to express to them, “It is good that you exist, how wonderful you are!” So, make every effort to know, understand love, and care for the people in your life.

Once you have done that, then you will have their trust to ask them why they are not interested in God or the practice of the faith. We assume things that are not true. Ask without judgment or without allowing your emotions to take control. Give them freedom of thought and expression and you will learn a lot. Things that will surprise you. 

When the time is right, invite your loved one to some encounter with Jesus. Invite them to prayer, teach them how to pray, invite them to confession and be willing to accompany them, invite them to Mass or to learn more about God and Catholicism. But at some point, we must invite!

Then, have patience. Getting to Heaven is a life-long process for all of us. Have a long-term strategy for your loved ones. Think how long and how far we have come on our journey. Think how patient God has been with us. Do the same for them. 

Five

You cannot control any other person. 

You might say, “No, but you don’t understand. Did you hear the kind of life my son or daughter is living or how my cousin or my uncle passed away? It was awful. I don’t know how to hope for their soul after that.”

Fair enough, but that doesn’t change the two fundamental facts God is in control, not you. And God loves your loved one more than you could ever imagine.

Remember, He let Himself be tortured to death for their salvation. So, He’s deeply invested in their salvation.

If God permits people to make bad choices or die in tragic or disturbing ways, it’s presumably because He knows something we don’t. 

Again, that doesn’t mean we should be presumptuous about their salvation, we should still pray and sacrifice for their souls. But when we know that nothing can happen except what God wills or allows, and that everyone’s salvation is His top priority - well – that should give us a renewed resolution to hope.

Finally, you are not responsible for making your spouse or kids or friends holy. You are responsible for giving them a holy spouse, a holy parent, and a holy friend. Saints converted people because they were holy. What might be preventing the conversion of our loved ones is our own poor example.