Gratitude vs Resentment
ONE
There are times in our life when we will encounter difficult circumstances that may cause us pain, and we wonder why God let it happen? Experiences of defeat, bewilderment, sadness, frustration, anger, fear and the like have not been removed by Christ from the life of the Christian. These remain to offer opportunities for growth in faith even though it doesn’t seem like it. Jesus has conquered all things by His Cross, this is the deepest truth and why we should belong entirely to Him. However, faith in Christ needs to be supported with virtue, as St. Peter encourages in his writing. (cf. 2 Peter 1:5.) St. Paul identifies one such virtue in his first letter to the Thessalonians, “In all things give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you all.” (1 Thes 5:18.) The virtue of gratitude is such a powerful virtue, attracting new graces and blessings while cultivating in the soul joy and peace. It is the proper attitude of one who acknowledges his or her own short comings and faults. By identifying and counting our blessings, we discover two things: 1. the immense gifts that we have been given that we take for granted; 2. That even setbacks are designed to bring us into deeper union with God. This why we should give thanks to God in all things. The things that cause us pain and suffering are actually our friends and not our enemies. Do we try to cultivate a relationship with these friends, or fret about them as enemies?
TWO
When Our Lord cures the Ten Lepers in Luke’s Gospel, only one, a Samaritan, returns to give thanks. “Where are the other nine? Is there no one found to return and give glory to God but this stranger?” (Lk 17:17,18.) Yet this act of thanks and praise Jesus interprets as giving God glory! This is how much He desires our gratitude: He feels glorified by our mere act of offering Him what He generously gave and what we clearly do not deserve. The Lord responds to our gratitude so generously, that acts of gratitude to His graces are actually rewarded with…MORE GRACES! This kind of generosity makes little sense to us who think too often as fallen humans do. It seems ridiculous to give something generously to someone in a way he or she doesn’t deserve; then, when they thank us, to respond by giving even more! Who does this? Who responds this way to those who are undeserving? What motivates someone to do that? God! God, who is Love and Mercy itself; He is motivated to act this way. And you—do you believe in the unfathomable mystery of God’s love and mercy, so much so that you thank Him even when your life seems filled with contradictions?
THREE
St. Phillip Neri had a short prayer that I pray often, usually as my daily resolution: Lord, today I thank you that things aren’t going according to my will! I admit to you that the reason why this prayer is often my daily resolution is because I fail at following through with it most of the time. When I’m stuck in traffic, when I’m not sleeping well, when I have a difficult or unpleasant task to perform, when people don’t do what I think they should, etc., I really struggle to be grateful for the situation and complain or criticize instead. Yet, when St. Paul says, “In all things give thanks for this is the will of God,” he means that God uses these circumstances to prune, hone, and purify us of the one thing that gets in the way of His plan, our own self-will. We are attached to false expectations we create based on a false understanding of the circumstances in which we find ourselves. There is a saying in Alcoholics Anonymous which goes, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.” Because we are fallen, we are naturally self-centered: we define and measure things according to our own desires and limited perspectives. This is false. We are not the center of the universe, our desires tend towards selfish pleasures, and our perspectives lack full knowledge and objectivity. In other words, we are not God! Lord, detach me from myself, and help me recognize your work--hidden in life’s contradictions—that perfect me.
FOUR
Resentment is the vice most opposed to gratitude and is therefore dangerous as it thwarts God’s gifts of grace. It often disguises itself as justice, because what we think we deserve is based not on objective reality but on our preoccupation with self. There was an ancient character in Greek mythology named Procrustes, who made a bed so gruesome that it either stretched travelers to fit it who were too short, or cut the limbs off of those who were too long. Resentment does this with the truth; it either stretches it beyond recognition or it chops it to eliminate the parts that don’t fit one’s perception of injustice. Resentment becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. It traps us into thinking that we’re owed something while simultaneously taking for granted what we have been given. This makes us bitter rather than grateful. It causes us to carry grudges rather than being able to forgive. And our Lord has severe words for those who refuse to forgive, “but if you refuse to forgive others, then neither will your heavenly Father forgive you.” (Mt 6:15.) It is safe to say that without cultivating the virtue of gratitude, we will not be forgiven and will go to Hell. Lord, help me to look honestly and carefully at my life with your light and guidance and uncover those little resentments and grudges that I carry with me so that I can forgive others, unload them on you in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and be forgiven, freed, and grateful.
FIVE
One practical exercise that easily cultivates the virtue of gratitude is to write down in a heart-felt way 5-10 things we’re grateful for every night. By doing this, we realize the things we’re not aware of. Our outlook will completely change when we begin to see God’s generous gifts instead of life’s downfalls. Where we once saw depletion and unfairness, we now see opportunity and gifts. Where we once saw useless pain, we now see growth in strength and understanding. Where we once saw death, we now see life. This practice helps us to recognize the gifts of God. For instance, during this time of the year, I am reminded of the gift of color, something that I often take for granted. The fiery golden hues of the changing leaves. The rusty red of mums. The purple and azure sky of autumn sunsets. These gifts of God are present for us in some way every day and give us joy…when we stop to contemplate them. For the gift of color; the crispness and freshness of the October air, for the warmth of a blanket in a quiet room in the winter morning, for the silence during an early morning session of prayer, Lord thank you. Feel free at the conclusion of this reflection to continue your own list of things for which you are grateful.