Friendship with Mary
One
The Problem – Consecration Without Relationship Changes Nothing
Many people consecrate themselves to Mary. They make the act. They say the prayer. They mean it sincerely. And yet, very little changes. Why? Because consecration can remain external. It becomes: a formula we said, a devotion we like, a moment we remember…but not a relationship we live. And so, we fall back into the same pattern: We try to form ourselves. We try harder. We rely on our own effort. But nothing changes at the deepest level. Because consecration was never meant to be a one-time act. It was meant to begin a friendship.
Two
The Principle
In this series on the Holy Spirit and Mary, we have been developing a principle to live by: The Holy Spirit forms the life of Christ in the world, first in Jesus, and now in us. The Spirit carries out this mission through Mary. Which means: we experience the care of the Holy Spirit through her.
In this, Jesus Himself is our model. The Holy Spirit and Mary conceived and formed Jesus in her womb. The Holy Spirit and Mary brought Him to birth. The Holy Spirit and Mary nourished, educated, protected, and guided Him as He grew in wisdom, age, and grace.
Nazareth reveals the pattern: Jesus was formed by the Holy Spirit by living in a real, personal relationship with Mary for thirty years in Nazareth.
Three
We Must Live the Same Relationship
If this is how the Holy Spirit formed in Jesus through Mary…And if this is how the Holy Spirit forms Jesus in us…You cannot want the work of the Holy Spirit and ignore the way He has chosen to do it. That way is Mary. Therefore, we must live the same relationship. Not just consecrate ourselves to her, but live with her.
This means not just saying, “I am all yours,” but actually belonging to her in daily life. Turning to her. Listening to her. Relying on her. Letting her guide and form us.
Like John at the Cross, “He took her into his own.” He took her into everything. Consecration is the beginning. But a friendship is the way it is lived.
Four
The Little Way
Today I watched my 18-month-old grandson, Lawrence. As we played with rocks outside and then ate some pancakes at the table, I was struck by just how small and needy humans are for such a long time. Most animals are independent in months. We take nearly two decades. God designed this plan where we need our dads and moms for a long time. We especially need our moms! Then there is the staggering thought that God himself went through this. Jesus was just like my 18-month-old grandson. He chose to need Mary for everything, everything. What do you think Jesus was trying to teach us?
If our number one issue is pride and the radical self-reliance that results in anxiety, worry, and exhaustion. Then certainly Jesus was trying to teach us to always be little, humble, totally reliant on the Holy Spirit. The goal is not to become independent. The goal is to be totally dependent on the Holy Spirit.
You don’t have to grow up to be a self-reliant adult. Just learn to be the little child of Mary! Instead, imitate Jesus, belong to Mary, surrender to her, and she will direct you in everything.
Five
The Icon
I love the icon of Our Lady of Vladimir. If you can right now, pause, Google it, and look at it. This icon is a specific style called The Mother of God of Tenderness. Look how Mary presses her cheek to the little boy Jesus. See how the child wraps his arms around her neck, clinging tightly. If you want to live consecration to Mary, then live that.
Have you ever had a little kid raise his or her arms up to you and beg you to pick them up? How could you resist? Raise your little arms to Mary, ask her to pick you up, press you to her cheek, and let her carry you!
At every moment, look to Mary for inspiration, guidance, counsel, and protection. Develop an intimate friendship with Mary by carrying on a constant conversation with her. Since friendship develops between two people working on shared activities and projects, combined with good conversation, why not get Mary involved in every project of your life, talk with her about it, pay attention to what she inspires within you, and do it? This is how we develop a friendship with Mary, just like Jesus did.
Since the Holy Spirit and Mary act as one, this is how we live in dependence upon the Holy Spirit. Jesus did not form Himself. He let Himself be formed. Follow His model. Foster a deep friendship with Mary. Then the Holy Spirit will form Christ in you.