Forgive Us Our Trespasses
ONE
Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
The Catechism teaches us (2838), “Our petition will not be heard unless we have first met the strict requirement of forgiving others.” And, “Now – and this is daunting – this outpouring of mercy cannot penetrate our hearts as long as we have not forgiven those who have trespassed against us...” 2840
In fact, “In refusing to forgive our brothers and sisters, our hearts are closed and their hardness makes them impervious to the Father’s merciful love; but in confessing our sins, our hearts are opened to his grace.” 2840
We all want God to forgive us, but we set the standard. He will only forgive us in the measure that we have forgiven others.
TWO
If we want to receive the forgiveness and mercy of God, then we must be merciful and forgiving to others.
“But,” you may object, “what if someone has really hurt you?”
What are we really seeking by asking this question? Do we want Permission not to forgive, not to love? Permission to keep resenting the person who hurt us?
One of the most self-destructive feelings is resentment. Resentment toward a spouse, a parent, your boss, or a co-worker.
Resentment is the feeling of unhappiness, anger, and hurt at having been wronged and we are unable to let it go and forgive. Resentment is deadly because unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.
THREE
Alcoholics Anonymous figured out a universal spiritual principle, that is, that resentment is the number one offender. From resentment stems all forms of spiritual disease. AA also learned that if we want to get over resentment and learn to forgive, we’ve gotta go through these steps:
Write down on paper the person, institution, or principles with whom we feel hurt and we are angry.
Write down why we are hurt and angry. What part of self was hurt or threatened? In most cases, it was our pride and self-worth, or our finances or ambition or relationships that were hurt or threatened. And so, we are resentful.
Take Responsibility, ask, “where was I to blame?”
Now, some people are 100% innocent victims like Jesus, who was totally innocent. Still, they too can forgive and be set free. Most people, however, have some responsibility for the bad situation that they resent.
With resentment, we place blame on others. We refuse to take responsibility. Then we ease our pain with destructive activities. If we want to be set free, then we have to take responsibility.
Where were we partially to blame? Were we selfish and self-seeking, did we act out of fear, were we inconsiderate, maybe we were dishonest?
The point is, we must be specific in identifying the exact nature of the part we played, our wrong and take responsibility for it. Freedom and spiritual maturity begins by taking responsibility for the choices that added to the problem.
Then forgive yourself and the person who wronged you.
FOUR
We need mental images to encourage forgiveness.
If a terminally ill friend offended us, we would say to ourselves, “Poor soul, look how they suffer. It’s no surprise they act this way. God save me from being angry with them. How can I be helpful to them?”
Okay, well, the person who hurt you, the person you resent is spiritually sick. Hurt people hurt other people. In fact, we are all spiritually sick and we all hurt others, often without even realizing it. The person who hurt you is just like you: hurt, confused, and afraid.
The only difference between you and them is that they probably don’t resent you. So, we must ask God to help us show the same tolerance, mercy, and patience that we would cheerfully give a physically sick friend.
Or imagine this person might end up in hell, alone and abandoned. Do you want that? Or do you want to prevent it? Pray for them, forgive them, and be Christ to them and not Satan. Make the choice. Which one you will be?
FIVE
Recall that in the Sermon on the Mount Jesus said, “The measure you give will be the measure you get back.”
So, imagine Jesus saying to you, “Listen, you have really hurt me…so I don’t think I can forgive you or love you or let you back into my life.” Because that is what we say to others through our resentment and unforgiveness.
Now there may be valid boundary issues, it might be best that the person who wronged you is not in your life. But you can still forgive them.
So the solution to resentment is four steps.
Surrender to God the feelings of resentment you are powerless to change on your own
Then make the choice to forgive. Forgiveness is an action, not a feeling. You can do it even when you don’t feel like it.
Then be grateful for the almost endless blessings you have. “Jesus, thank you for my life, for the sun, the rain, the food in my fridge, my home, on and on…”
Lastly, get busy and do some good for the world and other people.
Surrender, forgiveness, gratitude and service conquer resentment.