Envy and Goodwill
one
Envy follows pride in the deadly sins for this reason: Pride is to think either too much or too little of oneself. In either case, when we see someone better than ourselves, we may be tempted to tear them down or even to destroy them to avoid having to become better ourselves. This is the deadly sin of Envy.
Gore Vidal, the famous novelist said “Every time a friend succeeds, something in me dies.”
Envy comes after pride because Pride is essentially competition. With pride it is not good enough that I am excellent, and you are excellent. With Pride I must be better than you. C.S. Lewis says, “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. We say people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others.”
With envy, in order for me to gain someone must lose.
two
Envy is
A. Sorrow or sadness at another’s good
B. pleasure at another’s misfortune
1. Envy is sadness at someone else’s good.
a. You lament when something goes well for some other person
b. If the success or blessings of your friend, family member, neighbor, or even competitor displeases you, it is clear you suffer to some degree from envy;
2. Envy is Pleasure at someone else’s misfortune.
a. We celebrate when something bad happens to another person. Now, we don’t do this explicitly.
b. So how do you know when we’ve fallen into this? Well, we go around and tell everybody.
c. We say, “Oh its so awful, have you heard…”
d. If it is so awful, then why do we get this sinister pleasure out of spreading it?
e. We tear others down to raise ourselves up with an eagerness to spread the word of another’s downfall; that’s why we love dirty laundry.
three
Gossip is a form of Envy. Gossip is unjustly speaking ill of others
The best indicator for envy is gossip. So, if you gossip, and most of us do, then you certainly suffer from envy. Especially if we gossip about people who are in the same line of work or similar situation. Our satisfaction comes from other people not doing well.
Gossip can be a violation of justice, even if what you are saying is true, to speak truths without legitimate cause. Aquinas says this can be mortal sin – if done knowingly and willingly because it is a grave matter. Why? Because it is mortal sin to kill someone unjustly and one’s reputation is almost as valuable as their life – so to kill a person’s reputation is like committing murder.
St Francis de Sales in the Introduction to the Devout Life ch 29:
Slander or Gossip is a kind of murder, for we have three lives: the spiritual, which consists in the grace of God; the physical, which depend upon the soul; and the social, which consists in our good name. Sin deprives us of the first, death takes away the second, and slander robs us of the third.
The slanderer, by one blow of his tongue, commits three murders. He kills not only his own soul, and the soul of him that hears him, but also, by a spiritual murder, takes away the social life of the person slandered.
Gossip is a kind of terrorism because terrorism is indiscriminate – Gossip has such collateral damage that there is no way of knowing where it will end or who will be harmed.
So, I challenge you to try - just for one day - to not gossip. See how you do then reflect on envy.
four
Gossip comes from envy, but we can conquer envy and gossip with Goodwill.
C.S. Lewis wrote, God “wants to bring the man to a state of mind in which he could design the best cathedral in the world, and know it to be the best, and rejoice in the fact, without being any more (or less) or otherwise glad at having done it than he would be if it had been done by another.”
a. Want good for others: even competitors, even enemies
b. Think good of others: give them the benefit of the doubt, make excuses for them
c. Speak well of others: every person has the right to a good reputation
five
Along with Good will - Gratitude overcomes envy
Envy is where you look at what you don’t have and what others do have, and it makes you sorrowful.
In Gratitude we thank God for everything God has given us to us; and then extend that gratitude out to others - Grateful for what my wife has, my kids have, and co-workers and what everyone has been given.
The first step in overcoming envy is celebrating the virtues that others have - which in God’s plan contributes to the good of all.
That is what the communion of saints means - we pool our spiritual resources.
Just practice thanking God for your gifts and the gifts of others – especially for someone who makes you feel insecure.
Go out of your way to compliment the person who makes you envious and feel insecure.
Prologue
Envy is not the same as Jealousy
This may surprise you but the word Jealous comes from the word Zealous. We replaced the Z with a J over time. To be jealous is to be zealous.
Zeal is the desire or pain of longing for some good thing that I see another person has. But, opposite of envy, zeal does not want you to lose the good you have. Rather, zeal causes me to hunger for the good you have and do what it takes for me to have it as well. No one has to lose with zeal.
A great example of zeal comes from St. Augustine before his conversion. He is convinced Christianity is true but he’s not ready to give up his sin and convert. Then he hears an account of a person who heroically embraces the Christian life and Augustine is overcome with extreme distress at hearing about this other person’s heroic faith. Why? Augustine longs for the faith that person has. He does not wish he had their faith and they did not. He longs for a good they have. That they both have faith. Seeing the good example of the other person makes Augustine desire the same good for himself. This is zeal and that is why the Church gives us the feast days of the saints so that we will desire and strive after a heroic life as they did.