Dementia
One
St. Louis Martin
Louis Martin is the Father of St. Therese the Little Flower, a Doctor of the Church. He also had four other daughters who became religious sisters. He was a highly intelligent man with a strong work ethic and a devout Catholic faith that made him an excellent husband father and provider for the family. His wife Zele died when Therese was just four years old and Louis cared for his daughters wonderfully.
However, when the five daughters were still teenagers, and shortly after Therese had entered religious life at 15, Louis suffered a series of strokes and then full-blown dementia. Only Celine and Leonie were left to care for their father and they did their best but he had the habit of escaping in the night. Finally, they had to place him in an old monastery that had been transformed to care for people in his condition. The suffering of the family was increased by the friends and neighbors who said the daughters had him confined just to be rid of him.
This was a great trial for the whole family. But neither Louis nor his daughters viewed his dementia with bitterness or anger toward God. Rather they understood it as a mission that God had entrusted to Louis to be united to the suffering of Christ for his own spiritual purification and for the salvation of many souls.
Through his suffering, he had become a co-redeemer with Christ as St. Paul says in Col 1:24.
Still, this was a tremendous trial for the family. In her autobiography, Therese writes, “I did not foresee then the trial awaiting us. I did not know that on February 12, one month after my clothing day, our beloved father would drink so deeply of such a bitter chalice. … Words cannot express our grief; nor shall I attempt to describe it here. In Heaven, we shall enjoy dwelling on these dark days of exile. Yet the three years of my father's martyrdom seem to me the sweetest and most fruitful of our lives.” (Chap. VII)
Two
Our loved ones with Dementia have been entrusted with a mission from God.
We can be tempted to think a person with Dementia has nothing to offer the world. But if a person is in the world, then it is because God thinks that person makes the world a better place, they are doing or could do some good. Otherwise, that person would not be in the world.
A baptized person with Dementia is fulfilling a powerful mission to help Jesus save the world and to save souls.
When you are united with Christ through Baptism your sufferings are joined to the suffering of Christ because we are baptized into his death and Resurrection which means that your suffering and death become a means for your spiritual perfection and something God uses to help save other souls. You become a co-redeemer with Christ.
You might think, “But, don’t I have to consciously offer up my suffering for it to be beneficial?”
If you are consecrated to Mary, then you have given everything to her – your life, your prayer, all your good works, all your suffering and death. When you consecrate yourself to Mary, she becomes your spiritual investment broker for all your spiritual treasures. And those are primarily the treasures of prayer, work, and suffering. All the spiritual merit, all the spiritual wealth you get from praying, working, and suffering, when we consecrate ourselves to Mary we give these to Her and we say, “Please use these in a way that will help get the most people to heaven.”
Now, what is so great about this is that whether a person has dementia or they are in a coma, or in so much pain that they forget or just can’t offer it up, Our Lady is receiving our spiritual investment and she is applying it where She sees best.
You don’t need to make your spiritual investment decisions for them to be made wisely when you have consecrated yourself to Mary and she is doing it for you.
Three
One of the biggest obstacles we place in the way of God purifying and transforming our souls is our intellectual pride.
Let’s face it, we think we know better than God about everything. This intellectual pride prevents God from doing all he can to transform us.
To save us from our intellectual pride and to clear the way so that God can do all that needs to be done in our soul to get us ready for heaven, sometimes God has to render us like little children.
Now, with a person with dementia, when their cognitive ability, their ability to know what is going on is diminished, then they stop resisting the work of God in their life by their intellectual pride and then they are fully open to the purifying and refining action of God. In fact, dementia may enable them to be more open to the grace of God than they have ever been before.
When the cognitive ability is taken away, then we become less resistant to what God needs to do to purify and transform us. We become like little children, totally docile to the action of God.
Four
I waste my suffering because when I suffer I get angry at God because I don’t want to suffer, I don’t like it, and I don’t want it – therefore I waste it and the good that could be done for souls is wasted. You see, my pride and my intellect get in the way because I think I know better than God what I need to do.
My mother is suffering from Dementia. The whole family is very sad about this and at times very frustrated and at times angry with the situation. However, my mom is not. She is totally abandoned to God and at peace. She never complains, she is not angry, or bitter because she is not thinking about her situation. She can’t, she is unable, and that is a great grace. She is suffering, but she is not resisting and therefore, she is cooperating with God to save many many souls.
It may be that God is allowing many good people to suffer from dementia because they are the few who are not refusing and resisting to cooperate with God for the salvation of many souls in the world who might not make it to heaven without these victim souls.
Five
Dementia should draw out of us sacrificial love and honor.
Our loved ones with dementia are doing us the greatest good. When everyone around us is in good health and can take care of themselves we can so easily retreat into lives of selfishness and self-serving, and that might lead us straight to hell. But a person suffering from dementia give us the opportunity to get out of ourselves, forget about ourselves just for once, and serve someone else sacrificially.
My dad is becoming a saint by the way he looks after my mom. And our friend Gemma, a retired physical therapist, is becoming a saint by giving her therapy. And God willing, my mom will help me become a less selfish person if I give her the sacrificial love she deserves.
Finally, we should have a deep reverence for these hidden souls with dementia who are fulfilling this mission from God to save the world and save souls by their suffering. We should give them the honor that is due to them for the mission they are fulfilling. They are like martyrs and victim souls.