Default Attitude

one - Like And Dislike

One of the most interesting features of the traditional teaching on the passions, or emotions, is that the most fundamental feelings aren’t even actual feelings – they’re potential feelings. For instance, if I pass by a room where someone is opening a takeout box of fresh pizza, I will feel an active desire for that pizza. That’s an actual push towards something I regard as a good.

But even when there’s no pizza actually around – and even when I’m not feeling any active, concrete desire for pizza, I can still confidently say, “I like pizza.” In other words, my default attitude towards pizza is very positive, at all times, even if there’s no actual pizza in the immediate vicinity – even if I’m not thinking about pizza at all.

We’d normally express a default positive attitude towards something by saying we “like” it; and when we have a default negative attitude towards something, we’d say we “dislike” it.[1] And these default attitudes – our likes and dislikes – play a major role in our day to day experiences. Which means we want to make sure we like and dislike the right things.

two - Default attitudes towards virtuous and vicious objects

As we’ve been saying all along, it’s the task of virtue, of training the passions – through behavior and imagination and the situations we put ourselves in – to develop and reform our feelings so that they’re aligned with what’s really good and what’s really not.

That goes with our default attitudes of liking and disliking too. We want to come to the point where we can honestly say, “You know, I really like praying. And I like my in-laws. And I like living simply, without extravagance or constant recognition.” We want to come to the point, please God, where we can honestly say, “You know, I really dislike foul humor, and all the sex and violence they have in shows and movies. And it really makes me uncomfortable when people tell me things about other folks that they really shouldn’t be passing on.”

That’s what a normal, healthy, Christian should feel. Most of us don’t feel that way yet, but that’s the goal, and that’s what we need to pray for and strive for.

three - Default Attitude towards life

Probably the most important default attitude we have is our default attitude towards reality, towards life as a whole.

What is your default attitude, what is the basic habitual approach you take, towards life?

CS Lewis wrote a novel in which the main character develops a default attitude of self-pity and resentment. When she dies, she sees that her default attitude has been written down as a speech, and she finds herself reading that speech over and over, repeating herself over and over, as she expresses the rhythm of anger and envy that she has woven into her soul during the course of her life.

Fortunately, God interrupts her, and gives her a second chance to keep living long enough so she can change that speech, can change the phrase that expresses her default attitude towards everything.

If He hadn’t given her that second chance, she would simply go on repeating the speech, saying the same toxic things which lay in her heart, over and over forever. And that would be hell.

four - The Wrong Default Attitudes

What phrase captures your default attitude towards life?

Is it:

“Look at me!” or

“It’s not my fault!” or

“Leave me alone!” or

“Give me that!” or

“I can’t handle this!” or even

“I don’t like this. I don’t like you.”

Is that the thought inscribing itself deeper and deeper into your soul? And is that the feeling, the default attitude, you want to take with you into the whole of eternity?

Probably not. So, what can you do to put another default attitude into your heart?

five - The Right Default Attitudes

We’ve said that images are crucial for cultivating the right feelings. Well, so are our words.

So find the phrase you’d be willing to repeat over and over again for eternity – and start saying it more often – out loud and in prayer.

“Thank you so much.”

“I’m so grateful. This is so good.”

“You are so good.”

“I love you.”

“You make me very happy.”

These are the kinds of default attitudes we want to express to God, to neighbor, to family. These are the kinds of rhythms we want to be part of our daily experience. And these are the kind of feelings we want to live out and express for all eternity.

[1] Aquinas calls these attitudes “love” and “hate,” but in contemporary English we associate those words much more with acts of the will than with states of passion.