Contraception
One
Sexual love is supposed to express divine love. The Catechism (2399) teaches that, “The regulation of births represents one of the aspects of responsible fatherhood and motherhood. Legitimate intentions on the part of the spouses do not justify recourse to morally unacceptable means (for example, direct sterilization or contraception).”
It's not enough to know what the Church teaches about contraception, I want to know why. Well, the Church teaches what it does because God designed the marital act, the sexual act, to be the body language by which a man and woman express the love of God to each other. What do we mean?
In the Trinity, the love of God is a free and total gift of self. That gift results in a permanent union of the divine persons, from which another divine person (the Holy Spirit) springs forth. To understand the teaching of Jesus on contraception we must recall that sexual love is meant to be the body language that expresses Divine Love. In marital relations, we are saying with our bodies, “I am giving a free and total gift of myself to you. I am giving a permanent indissoluble gift of self. And this gift is ordered to new life.”
If we don’t mean that when we have sex, then we are saying one thing with our body and another with our mind or intentions and that is a lie. And to lie is not a loving action. And the opposite of love is use.
Two
The Definition of Contraception
Contraception is an intentionally sterilized act of intercourse that changes the action so that it is not a total gift of self (one’s fertility is held back), not unitive because a diminished gift results in a diminished union, and not ordered to life.
Therefore, contracepted sex is a lie because we are saying one thing with our body, yet we mean something else. Therefore, contracepted sex does not image the Love of God. It is not love. Again, the opposite of love is use.
But does this mean couples who use contraception don’t love each other?
They may love each other in many authentic ways. But, an act of contracepted sex is not an act of authentic love. It is not a reflection of the love of the Trinity.
Sexual love is not arbitrary. Sexual love is not whatever we want it to be. It is not merely an intense feeling or the sharing of pleasure. Sexual or marital love is supposed to be where we love one another through the body as God loves, to speak the language of God’s love through our bodies. Love is to give ourselves away freely, totally, faithfully, and fruitfully in imitation of Christ.
Three
So what the heck is a couple supposed to do, have twelve kids?
When I speak, I must speak the truth. I should never lie. But I do not always have to speak. Sometimes it’s better to remain silent. Is refusing to speak and lying the same action? No. They are different actions completely!
Contracepted sex is always lying. Abstinence, refraining from sex, is refusing to speak. It is to remain silent. Contracepted sex is an evil action, abstinence is a good action.
There are legitimate, good reasons to postpone pregnancy or even not to have another baby at all. There are good reasons tied to age, physical, mental, or emotional health, or the needs of the immediate or extended family.
There are legitimate reasons to postpone or even not to have more children. But there are also bad reasons, sinful, selfish reasons. If a couple had a just reason to postpone children, or not to have another baby at all, what can they do?
Every time a couple chooses to have sex they must speak the truth with their body, that is, be faithful to the God-given meaning of sex. However, couples aren’t always obligated to have sex. There are lots of occasions when a couple might want to have sex, but have good reason not to.
Perhaps one or the other spouse is sick. Perhaps the wife just gave birth. Perhaps the couple is staying at one of the in-laws and there are thin walls. Perhaps they have a good reason not to have another baby. These are all good reasons not to have sex, even if they may want to.
If a couple had a just reason not to have another baby, and if they were firm in their resolve to speak the truth with their bodies, the only thing they could do would be to exercise their freedom and self-control and abstain from sex.
Four
Are you saying a couple who needs to avoid pregnancy would have to abstain from sex until menopause?
Recall that three things determine whether an action is good or evil: The act itself (what are you doing), your Intention (why are you doing it), and the circumstances.
Sex within marriage is a good action. Contracepted sex is an evil action. It is a lie, it does not reflect the love of God, therefore it is use. We must be faithful to the God-given meaning of the action of sex and not change it, and we must intend to say with our bodies what God intends.
Now, let’s consider the circumstances. God designed women so that they are not always fertile. The majority of the time, she is infertile. She is only fertile for a specific window of days per month. So, if a couple chose not to have sex on a fertile day, have they committed an evil action? No, choosing not to have sex is not an evil action.
If a couple chose to have sex on a non-fertile day, have they committed an evil action? No! The act of intercourse is a total gift of self, ordered to new life. They haven’t changed anything in the action. Their intention, to express their love, is a good intention. And both circumstances (a fertile day and a non-fertile day) are not evil. So if pregnancy did not result, would it be because they sterilized the act? Or because God chose not to bring a new life into the world as evidenced by the way he designed the wife’s body?
This is the very principle of natural family planning (NFP)
Couples who have been properly trained in modern methods of NFP can determine the fertile time of the wife’s cycle with 99% accuracy.
If they have a good reason to avoid pregnancy, they choose to abstain from intercourse during the fertile time, i.e. remain silent. During the infertile phase of the cycle, they can choose to have intercourse without violating the God-given meaning of sex. Speak the truth with their bodies, the fact that pregnancy doesn’t result from these acts of intercourse is a result of God’s design of the woman, rather than the result of sterilizing the act of intercourse.
The act of intercourse is still ordered to new life, their Intention is still to express God’s love through their bodies, and the circumstances have changed but are not bad
Five
Don’t couples using NFP and those using contraception have the same goal, to avoid pregnancy?
Yes, they may have the same goal, to avoid pregnancy for good reasons, but the action by which they achieve their common goal is very different.
Abstinence is a good action. Contracepted sex is always an evil action. These are different actions altogether.
A good end never justifies doing an evil action.
For example, two students have the goal of good grades. One studies, the other cheats. Both have the same goal, good grades. But studying is a good means and heating is an evil means.
Contraception is always an evil action. A good end never justifies an evil means.
So remember the three parts of a moral action: Actio, intention, and circumstances.
And if you have any questions, go to Askchristopherwest.com!