blaming others

one

Adam and Eve’s excuses

After Adam and Eve eat the forbidden fruit, and after God finds them hiding in the bushes, He asks, “Have you eaten, then, of the fruit which I forbade you to eat?” And Adam responds, “The woman, whom you put here with me, she offered me. So I ate it.” Then God asks Eve, “Why would you do this?” And Eve says, “The serpent tricked me, so I ate it.”

With the first sin come the first attempts at self-justification. This self-justification, this pointing the fingers at others – this is the completion of sin and is, perhaps, the greatest sin of all.

two

Why is God asking? And why doesn’t He ask the Devil?

St. Gregory the Great points out that God doesn’t even bother asking the devil whether he tempted Eve. Because, of course, God knows he did. But then again, God knows everything. Which means He knows that Adam sinned and that Eve sinned too.

So why does He bother asking them when He already knows? And why doesn’t God ask the serpent? Because God isn’t trying to find out what happened. As we just said, God knows what happened. God is trying to give Adam and Eve a chance to repent, to apologize, renounce what they have done.

The serpent is incapable of repentance – Satan has made himself incurable. But there’s still a chance for the humans, if only they won’t try to justify themselves.

three

Blaming Others

Of course, Adam and Eve blow it. Instead of saying, “I’m so sorry. I sinned. I was stupid, ungrateful, shameful. There was no excuse.” Instead of saying that, they start blaming other people right away. Adam says, “What do you expect? She shoved in right in my face! What was I supposed to do?” And Eve says, “What did you expect? The serpent, he totally tricked me! How was I supposed to know?”

And of course, what they say is true. Eve did offer the fruit to Adam. And the serpent did trick Eve. But that’s not the point. The point is that they sinned. They did what they shouldn’t have done. Adam should have refused Eve. Eve should have trusted God instead of the snake.

This is what we do. We can all find excuses, we look around for facts that are true, but beside the point, in order to try and deflect the blame. We say, “It’s not my fault! It’s this society! It’s so unfair, it’s so unjust! People like me never get a fair shake.”

Or we say, “It’s how I was raised, you have no idea! I have father-wounds; mother- wounds. Other kids were so nasty when I was growing up!”

Or we say, “How can you expect me to be a good parent and spouse? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to be married to this person? Do you have any idea how impossible my kids are?”

That may all be true. But it’s not the point. The point is that you are a sinner, and you have to take responsibility for your sin. And you have to ask God for your forgiveness. Because trying to justify your sin just shoves it deeper into your heart, and makes everything worse.

four

Blaming God

The most awful part of the whole exchange is when Adam says, “This woman whom you put here with me. It certainly sounds like blaming God, doesn’t it? And many of us can recognize that kind of twisted, desperate anger against God as a last-ditch effort to escape the horrible responsibility for what we ourselves have done. We blame the people in our lives, and especially those in our family – and we blame God for putting them in our lives.

We say to God, “It’s Your fault! You stuck me here, in this society, with these people. You saddled me with this dysfunctional family! You let people hurt me, and you didn’t step in! It’s Your fault I’m so messed up!”

We don’t stop to think that maybe God put these people in our lives so that we could lead them to virtue, instead of them leading us into sin.

We don’t stop to think that maybe God has to give us and other people space, without Him constantly intervening, if we are going to freely love Him and love one another.

And we don’t stop to think how outrageous it is for us – who have done terrible, terrible things, and done them freely, without being forced – how outrageous it is for us to blame the Father who has done nothing but love us and give to us and create us and die for us.

That really is the last straw. That really is too much! God forgive us for the times we’ve been tempted to blame Infinite Innocence for the evil in our own hearts.

five

Quick Repentance

We don’t know what would have happened if Adam and Eve had responded to God’s questioning simply by apologizing and admitting their sin. Probably, though, the effects of their sin would have been drastically reduced. Which means it would have been a different world. A better world. A less wounded world than the one they actually bequeathed to the rest of us.

As for us, let’s not follow their example. We’ve all sinned, and we’re likely to sin in the future. Okay. But once you’ve sinned, repent quickly. Say you’re sorry, as fast as you can, to God and to the person you’ve mistreated. If you’re nasty, or vain, or arrogant, or gossipy, or your anger gets out of control, or you have a moment of weakness with lust or gluttony or having too much to drink – okay, we’ve all been there.

But for the love of God, don’t double-down and try to justify it! Don’t say it wasn’t your fault. Don’t look around for someone else to blame. Just admit that you did something wrong, something shameful, something inexcusable, and that you’ll try not to do that in the future.

If we do that, our sin will hurt us so much less, and hurt others so much less. And the God of Mercy will be quick with His forgiveness and His help for the future.