Be Unoffendable
ONE
Avoiding a Catastrophic Christmas Part 1.
So many topics of conversation have become emotionally explosive. What are guiding principles to avoid relationship catastrophe this Christmas?
1st Principle: If a person is open to truth and goodness, then give it to them. If a person is not open, we cannot force them. Trying to force the truth on someone is counterproductive. A direct attack only strengthens a person in their illusion and at the same time embitters them. If anything prompts defensiveness, all is lost.
Instead, find out what people think and why. Rather than making statements, ask for their insight. This builds a bridge of trust rather than a wall of resentment. It may even dispose them to truth and goodness at some point. It’s a long game. Be patient.
TWO
2nd Principle: Seek First to Understand.
Every person wants to be known, understood, loved, and cared for. Therefore, the first goal of a conversation is not to make people think the way you think. Rather, the first goal is to have a genuine curiosity, wonder, and fascination in the other person that causes you to know and understand them better by asking good questions, listening carefully and then asking good follow up questions.
THREE
3rd Principle: Find out what the other person cares about, what they’re interested in.
Ask them what they are listening to on a podcast or the last good movie they saw or book they read? What did they like about it and why? Ask for their opinion and ideas. Why do you think people think or do this or that? What do you think I should do here? What are your desires? What do you want most out of life? What are your fears and struggles?
Through questions we find out what they’re interested in
· Then you be interested in that
· Form a conversation around whatever they’re interested in
By this you demonstrate their inestimable worth and validate their existence;
· In a sense, say to them
· “It is good that you exist, how wonderful you are.”
FOUR
4th Principle: Give people freedom and autonomy in thinking.
Not even God makes us think the way he does. He leaves us free. And it’s not your job to fix people. And don’t think you have to correct them immediately if they spout untruths because you fear that if you don’t you’ve been unfaithful to God or responsible for making the person in front of you go to Hell.
You can seek to know and understand without condoning sin and error. This is the way to build trust, the essential building block to help them desire and open up to the grace of God.
FIVE
5th Principle: Be Unoffendable.
Anger rises within us when we face evil. Control the emotion of anger with meekness. Meekness is the calm power that controls anger.
No matter what another person says over the holidays you can be undisturbed, unoffendable. You are not responsible to make any adult, including adult children think or act correctly. And remember what we said as kids, sticks and stones may break our bones but words will never hurt me. Words hurt because they call our identity into doubt. What another person thinks or says cannot change who you are. You know who you are and God knows who you are, that is what matters.
How another person thinks does not matter.
Be unoffendable.