Be My Valentine
ONE
Happy St. Valentine’s Day, and Sts. Cyril and Methodius day, the poor Eastern European evangelists who get overlooked in the secular world in favor of a lesser-known 3rd C martyr. There’s not much recorded about the life of St. Valentine, other than that he was a Roman martyr. Supposedly, he would marry Christian couples clandestinely so that the husbands would avoid military service, something the pagan Emperors would force upon the married Christian men to limit or deter Christian population growth. This is one of the reasons why this day is connected to romance. The tragedy of our day is that romantic love has been severed from marital love. What is the difference? Marital love is not just emotional. It enjoys objective qualities rooted in the very inner life of God. Christian marriage vows contain these principles of Divine Love: that it’s offered freely, faithfully, permanently, with the goal of fruitfulness with children. The Church summarizes the purpose of Christian marriage by saying that spousal union has a two-fold end: the good of the spouses themselves, and the transmission of life. (cf. #2363 CCC). Thus, each and every marital sexual act must be with one’s spouse and not be intentionally sterilized. This is the God-given meaning of the act, and what God has joined, let no one tear asunder (cf. Mk 10:9).
TWO
Romantic love is an emotional attachment between two persons, and in our culture, usually entails activity that is supposed to be kept within marriage. This is not to say that romance is not affiliated with marital love, it's to say that it's different and more subjective. Marital love seeks to sacrifice for the good of one’s spouse and family. Children are the natural result of this kind of love. Romantic love seeks to receive the pleasurable feelings that come with attachment to the other. It is therefore less important and lacks the full, divine dimension intended within marital love. St. Valentine, by sacrificing himself to proclaim the Gospel of Life, shows us the deeper and sacrificial dimension of Matrimony. St. Paul teaches in his letter to the Ephesians that Christ’s sacrifice transformed spousal love into a Sacrament, making each spouse a means of sanctification for the other (cf. Ephesians 5). This is what it really means to ‘Be My Valentine,’ to be a witness (martyr means witness) to love!
THREE
With the onset of the birth-control pill, sex became merely a tool of pleasure for the individual, making marriage superfluous. Or at least, this is what the world tells us. This view of marriage is so selfish and sullied, though! It assumes that marriage is merely a security blanket in case of pregnancy. Now that we can eliminate pregnancy, we have no need for marriage. If birth control fails, there’s always murder, or abortion. Contraception thus undermines three graces: the sanctity of life, the need for marriage, and the reverence for God’s design. Is this the carefree world we now possess? Is this Heaven on Earth, or have we created our own Hell?
FOUR
Now that contraception has become commonplace, we have another destructive force for marriage: pornography. It perverts the marital act, doing grave damage to the dignity of its participants; “since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others” (CCC, #2354). It replaces one’s ability to love and live in reality, with a self-centered fantasy world where others are devoured for fleeting indulgences. The sins of contraception and pornography have further destroyed peace and security. Now, one’s own gender, one’s own pregnancy, population growth, and even romantic relations themselves are viewed as threatening, as transgenderism, abortion, eugenics and the “Me-Too” movement have shown. Again I ask, is this Heaven on Earth, or have we created our own Hell?
FIVE
Valentine stood up against the vicious oppression of the paganism of his day. In so doing, even the world at least tacitly recognizes his selfless gift. We, too, are called to be selfless saints in perfect imitation of our Lord and Savior. I’m not suggesting that we must all shed our blood; but I am suggesting that we must all regain a proper sense of martial love and romance and witness it with our lives. This can only happen through repentance, prayer, a Sacramental life, and living for others. We can and are doing this. St. Paul reminds us, “where sin abounds, grace abounds more” (Rom 5:20). Today, in commemoration of St. Valentine, let us seek to perform one selfless act for another.