adam and eve

one

Adam meets Eve

Most of us know the story of how God makes Eve by putting Adam into a deep sleep, and how when Adam wakes up and meets his new wife, he exclaims, “At last! Here is bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh.” But right after Adam gives this speech, Genesis adds something which seems to kind of come from nowhere.

It says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two become one flesh.”

What does that mean? And how does it relate to Adam calling Eve “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh”?

two

Complementarity in one flesh

Adam and Eve are not just compatible, they are complementary. That means that they aren’t just capable of co-existence, they are capable of coming together to make something new, something fuller. Like puzzle pieces, when they come together, reveal a whole, integrated picture

Man and woman are made so that they fit together and become a new organism. Remember, an organ is part of the body that performs a necessary function, but the function of human reproduction occurs when man and woman come together. When they fulfill that function together, they are acting as a single organ, as one flesh.

No matter how many sad and selfish variations are tried, this is the meaning of human sexuality, of being made in God’s likeness as man and woman.

People can experiment all they want, it doesn’t change how sexuality is designed to work. Everyone knows it. It’s written into the structure of our bodies and souls.

We are made man and woman so that we have the potential to achieve the organic union of husband and wife, a union that is designed to fulfill the function of bringing new life into the world. Only a man and a woman can come together, one with the other, to become a new kind of unity, one flesh, an organ of love capable of cooperating with God in the creation of new life.

three

Leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife

But why does Genesis say “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two become one flesh”?

Because, before he marries, a man is a totality unto himself. He’s a complete, single self. He is a composite, made up of the fusion of his own mother and father. His parents are the parts and he is the sum of their union. But when a man marries, when he gives himself to his wife in body and in will, then in a sense he ceases to be a whole of his own, but instead he becomes a part of a greater, new whole.

He and his wife fuse, they join, to make one flesh, and one family. From then on, his job is not to be supported by his parents but to support this new family he has formed through the union of marriage.

four

Going from whole to part

If you see yourself as the whole, you see everything as having value only insofar as it can be a part of your support system.

This is how children sometimes see their parents, as though their parents exist just to support them, as if that was their only value.

This is an understandable perspective for very little kids, but if you don’t grow out of that immature mindset, it becomes a terrible way of relating to the world.

When you marry, you resolve, you make a promise, to see yourself as a part dedicated to the formation and support of a greater reality. From then on, your success or failure in life will hinge on whether you give yourself, give all you have, to this unity of persons that is a family. That becomes the primary way that you serve God, by serving your spouse and kids.

It also becomes the primary way you fulfill your own identity in life. Are you a good father and husband? Are you a good mother and wife? Those are the most crucial questions to anyone who is married.

If you walk away from your role as father, if you walk away from your role as wife, then you are walking away from what you are. You’re like a heart failing to pump blood or a lung refusing to draw air. You are a part of something greater who is not fulfilling its essential function. You are lost.

five

You exist to serve of a greater whole  

It’s a big deal to make yourself “one flesh” with someone else. It’s not something to be done lightly. It is to identify yourself as no longer complete in yourself, but rather part of a larger organism. Practically, that means you’re dedicating the rest of your life to serve other human beings, specifically your wife and your kids, until death.

It’s the greatest natural joy there is on this earth, being a spouse and being a parent. It’s also the greatest natural responsibility on this earth. It demands we stop living for ourselves. That we stop thinking in terms of just us, and our personal support system. That’s what it means to “leave your father and mother.”

God, give us the strength to live our marriages better.

To make the top priority, after God, our spouses and our kids. To serve and pray for them relentlessly. To do our very best for those who are flesh of our flesh, and bone of our bone.