A Meditation by Jeanne Scheuerman
First Mystery—Is my desire to be a Saint and my fear of not being ready.
I have a very vivid memory of my desire to not just be a saint, but to become a great Saint!
Two quotes resonated with me, moved in my heart and fueled my passion to this end.
The first was by the French Catholic novelist Leon Bloy (from La Femme Pauvre) "The only real sadness, the only real failure, the only great tragedy in life, is not to become a saint."
The second was by C.S Lewis in Mere Christianity
The command Be ye perfect is not idealistic gas. Nor is it a command to do the impossible. He is going to make us into creatures that can obey that command. He said (in the Bible) that we were ‘gods’ and He is going to make good His words. If we let Him—for we can prevent Him, if we choose—He will make the feeblest and filthiest of us into a god or goddess, a dazzling, radiant, immortal creature, pulsating all through with such energy and joy and wisdom and love as we cannot now imagine, a bright stainless mirror which reflects back to God perfectly (though, of course, on a smaller scale) His own boundless power and delight and goodness. The process will be long and in parts very painful, but that is what we are in for. Nothing less. He meant what He said.
I had such a deep desire to be a Saint, a great Saint! I know that sounds arrogant, but it became my heart’s desire.
Second Mystery—Letting Go of Fear
Isaiah 43 Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine
Even though I knew God was responsible for Redeeming me – I still wrestled with fears that I was not doing enough – not good enough. Maybe you wrestle with the same doubts.
It became less daunting when I asked Jesus and Mary to accompany me to the Father.
I recall saying: "Jesus, I accept your call and whatever pain and sacrifices are demanded of me. I feel great peace, eagerness to be opened to the Holy Spirit’s guidance.”
I recall an experience right after saying these words, that Jesus, who was looking at me from the cross, with such a loving way, said: “Your challenge will be to accept and take up this cross. It is rugged and heavy. You will feel the pain of carrying this cross, but I will be with you. I will send Simons to help you carry it. It is a gift to have this time, this opportunity for redemptive suffering. To turn the challenges into hymns of glory.”
As I prayed, Jesus said, ”Jeanne, do you realize what is being asked of you?”
I respond with an enthusiastic, "Yes Jesus, even if my life is demanded of me this very night, my answer is YES."
I followed that response with: "What must I do to know what you desire of me?”
Jesus answered me, “Stay close to my mother, she will be the light for you.”
Third Mystery—Trust in God as you pick up your cross.
As I moved with more confidence in Jesus and his work within me, and aided by the presence of his Mother journeying with me, I had an experience where Jesus asked me: "Jeanne will you help me carry the cross?"
I was directed to Paul’s letter to the Romans (5:3-5) which said to me: "Suffering produces endurance, character and hope because the Holy Spirit is poured into our hearts with power.”
We are emptied to be filled with divine power. I rejoice in my suffering because it makes room for God’s power to fill me. Suffering and weakness causes me to relinquish self reliance and depend on God."
Again Jesus reminded me, “Embrace the cross you must carry each day. See that I will give you your daily bread. You don’t get to set the parameters of the rest of your life. Trust me to carefully measure out and plan it for you. Trust me to make your soul ready to embrace me when I say it is time.”
Jesus continued on: "For your part Jeanne, just stay in my presence and listen for me to say, “Pick this up, put that down and follow me. Live each day to the fullest. Don’t shy away from the long journey. I will make it full and fruitful.”
I wrote in my journal about this experience, "In this prayer time I am reminded of the gift of being allowed to be united constantly to the sufferings of Christ. I am reveling in the joy and peace of that message!
Fourth Mystery—Love
In prayer, Jesus said to me, “You will pass through water and fire, but I will be with you. Those things will not consume you but provide for you the opportunity to give me glory.”
I was so consoled by those loving words!
Meditating on Psalm 139, which says "LORD, you have probed me, you know me: you know when I sit and stand; you understand my thoughts from afar. You sift through my travels and my rest; with all my ways you are familiar. Even before a word is on my tongue, LORD, you know it all.”
As I stand back and see just how far the Lord has brought me, I consider all things: pain, inconvenience, things I didn’t choose, don’t like, can’t change and don’t understand, all these can be offered as a prayer. The intensity of suffering is not as important as the degree of love with which I embrace each cross.
Seriously, it is those little things that when I began to offer them up, it started to become a habit. Then when bigger things came, I had the habit of offering things for Jesus and for souls. Even to the point of rejoicing.
Fifth Mystery—Meeting the Bridegroom
When I consented to my own poverty, when I accepted my limitations, that is when God began to work within me.
When we can do no more, and we surrender to God, that is when He can do His work.
Jesus said to me, “I am giving you all you need in the present moment. I will never cease to provide what you and your loved ones need most.”
When I heard those words, I felt such joy renewed. The joy of having the opportunity and grace to prepare for the Bridegroom to come for me. I want to have the best quality oil, fresh long-lasting wicks and a hand painted lamp stand. I want to find the perfect wedding garment for my funeral.
Therese of Lisieux loved Joan of Arc who was imprisoned and martyred. Therese saw her own physical suffering of Tuberculosis as a prison and chains. The words of Therese are fitting of Jeanne:
As long as you are in chains, you cannot fulfill your mission; later, after your death, your hour of victory will strike.