Vanity
one
Vanity is the disordered concern for self-image
It’s the vice of caring too much about what other people think. Especially people who aren’t intimate with us. So many of us care more about what strangers think of us than the people who really know us.
We are tempted to give more energy to being liked or esteemed by colleagues or competitors or strangers or posting on social media – instead of putting real effort into talking and listening to our spouse or our kids, our elderly parents or getting a coffee with a friend.
We are angels abroad and demons at home.
At the root is the deadly sin of vanity.
two
Why do we care so much about what other people think? Why do we want other people to praise us?
Because praise is supposed to be directed to some excellence – it’s natural for us to praise, to esteem excellent things and excellent people.
But to receive praise just for the sake of praise is completely empty.
So, it is not praise that we should seek. We should strive to become excellent humans. People who are virtuous, who excel in their duties and responsibilities.
We should strive for what is honorable rather than honor.
Then, if we are praised, we say thank you and thank God.
That’s why Aquinas says that the truly virtuous person – the magnanimous person – doesn’t care about doing what will get praised, but about doing what is praiseworthy.
three
Aquinas lists three kinds of praise you should be especially on guard against:
i. Praise that’s false – praise that is not based on some truth or personal excellence
ii. Praise that’s based on something petty (don’t bask in praise for stupid, irrelevant things, like your appearance or your paycheck or how many followers you have)
iii. Praise that’s not going to promote some further good, like helping others to be better people or the world to be a better place or helping people grow closer to God.
four
So what kinds of praise do promote a further good?
If a compliment:
Promotes God’s glory (If you’ve somehow helped people get closer to God.)
Edifies/Encourages your neighbor (If somebody says, “After listening to you, I’m going to really resolve to do better in this area,” you can rejoice in that.)
Promotes your own striving for virtue (If someone says, “I’m really impressed at how you’ve gotten better at not gossiping,” you can be grateful for that praise and use it to strengthen your resolve.)
So, praise isn’t bad; attention isn’t bad – it just has to be directed to the right things.
five
The only praise that ultimately matters
CS Lewis points out that receiving affirmation is a natural desire, but it’s most fulfilling when it comes from someone who knows us or someone in a position of authority over us.
That’s why only praise from God will be perfectly fulfilling. Only when we hear God say, “Well done, good and faithful servant,” will we rejoice fully in who we are and in what our lives have been.
Which means worry about what God, the saints and angels and those closest to you think of you – not the masses on social media.
As a resolution, let me ask what would be better:
A. That the world thinks we are great
B. That God was pleased with us and our spouse and kids and friends and those we are responsible for felt known, loved and cared for by us?
Think of one person close to you that you take for granted and make the resolution to truly get to know and care for them. But don’t do it so that they’ll think you’re a good person. Do what is praiseworthy without seeking praise. And if you are praised, thank God, not yourself. Alhamdulillah!
Book Recommendations from Dr. John Mark L Miravalle: